How I Ruined Christmas

Christmas time with my family is a bad dig. It's pretty horrible for my grandmother who constantly misses my uncle (who offed himself a few years back) so things get tense from the second week of December to the New Year. It's because of this (as well as the same thing with my mother) that I've pretty much stopped celebrating Christmas altogether.

I figured that since Alcoholism, Manic Depressive nature and Bi-Polar disorder run in my family, that I'd separate myself from the grief that they allow themselves to be overcome with during this season by distancing myself from the holiday.

As I mentioned, Manic Depression and Bi-Polar run in my family (though, certain members like my grandmother want people to pity her) and it makes for a tense household that I avoid by staying in my room and going to work.

Why that is important will be learned in the rest of this story.

A few weeks back I decided that I'd buy a 360 to help cope with the insane amounts of boredom that I feel during the winter.

I kept telling my grandparents that I planned on buying it and in their nearly-constant-drunken-states they'd tell me to wait until 'Christmas was over' so I could find a better deal... but, I'm an impulse buyer and I'm not one to not buy a product because of a $5 - $10 increase.

Like most suggestions they give me, I put it behind me and just quietly go about my day with my plan still in progress.

Well, my plan was to buy the 'Elite' bundle from Amazon.com on Tuesday after I got paid (I had enough money in my account to cover it initially, but I didn't want my balance to near zero) and when Tuesday morning came... shit hit the fan.

My grandparents kept telling me the same, dumb shit over and over again. 'Wait til' Christmas is over, then you'll get a better deal!" and I didn't really give a shit at the time, to be honest. I got paid and I put my order in at Amazon.com and not five minutes later my grandpa comes into my room and shuts the door.

'Okay, now you fucking listen.' he said, which is always a great way to start talking to another human, regardless of relation or not. He proceeded to tell me not to buy it and that my aunt and uncle 'Went to a Christmas Auction' and bought me a used one. I told him that I was buying a new one and that I didn't need my family to think that I was some fucking kid who wants and needs handouts when I have a job and my own money.

It's completely true! I planned on buying it myself because I know that my grandparents don't really have the money. If I were living back in AZ, it'd be different, (even though I have another xbox out that way that my mom hasn't sent me for whatever reason... I think she does it to see if I'll ever come back out there) and I don't mind! I'm a fairly simple creature as long as I'm left alone and no one bothers me.

Well, my grandfather listens to me, scoffs and walks away- slamming the door calling me an 'asshole'. Three minutes later, my grandmother comes in with a brown box and I see the label through her tears... a new fucking 360 Elite, the same I planned on buying from Amazon. I nearly shit myself. I instantly go from being insanely pissed off to 'holy fuck, I'm the worst child ever.', she screams something I can't remember, leaves the package and slams my door on her way out (they love slamming my door, I think).

I sit there, listen to the song 'Hard Work' by Paul Baribeau and gather my thoughts. I leave my bedroom and walk to the kitchen where my grandmother continues screaming stuff at me that I don't remember, except for her (in her manic-depressive, bi-polar, alcohol induced state) yelling 'YOU RUINED CHRISTMAS! WE JUST WANTED TO DO SOMETHING NICE FOR YOU!!!" and I leave her to ferment. During the rest of the day she continues telling me how I never complain, I keep to myself and all of this stuff while I keep reminding myself that I ruined Christmas for them. They wanted to do something nice and instead I shit on it.

I told her to take it, wrap it and wait until Christmas to give it to me. She keeps going 'NO!" like a kid until I somehow convince her that I refuse to touch it unless it's wrapped and under the tree.

Three days later (today) she's still bummed and pissed off at me.

I don't know, I feel horrible... but at the same time I'm not.

I feel bad because she seems to care so much, but it's not like 'it came from Santa' (a quote from Sam, yes, I stole it).

Who knows.

I manage to ruin everything else... why not Christmas?

Cheers, I guess.

- Josh

(oh, new myspace btw: myspace.com/gimmesomesoul)