How I Ruined Christmas

Christmas time with my family is a bad dig. It's pretty horrible for my grandmother who constantly misses my uncle (who offed himself a few years back) so things get tense from the second week of December to the New Year. It's because of this (as well as the same thing with my mother) that I've pretty much stopped celebrating Christmas altogether.

I figured that since Alcoholism, Manic Depressive nature and Bi-Polar disorder run in my family, that I'd separate myself from the grief that they allow themselves to be overcome with during this season by distancing myself from the holiday.

As I mentioned, Manic Depression and Bi-Polar run in my family (though, certain members like my grandmother want people to pity her) and it makes for a tense household that I avoid by staying in my room and going to work.

Why that is important will be learned in the rest of this story.

A few weeks back I decided that I'd buy a 360 to help cope with the insane amounts of boredom that I feel during the winter.

I kept telling my grandparents that I planned on buying it and in their nearly-constant-drunken-states they'd tell me to wait until 'Christmas was over' so I could find a better deal... but, I'm an impulse buyer and I'm not one to not buy a product because of a $5 - $10 increase.

Like most suggestions they give me, I put it behind me and just quietly go about my day with my plan still in progress.

Well, my plan was to buy the 'Elite' bundle from Amazon.com on Tuesday after I got paid (I had enough money in my account to cover it initially, but I didn't want my balance to near zero) and when Tuesday morning came... shit hit the fan.

My grandparents kept telling me the same, dumb shit over and over again. 'Wait til' Christmas is over, then you'll get a better deal!" and I didn't really give a shit at the time, to be honest. I got paid and I put my order in at Amazon.com and not five minutes later my grandpa comes into my room and shuts the door.

'Okay, now you fucking listen.' he said, which is always a great way to start talking to another human, regardless of relation or not. He proceeded to tell me not to buy it and that my aunt and uncle 'Went to a Christmas Auction' and bought me a used one. I told him that I was buying a new one and that I didn't need my family to think that I was some fucking kid who wants and needs handouts when I have a job and my own money.

It's completely true! I planned on buying it myself because I know that my grandparents don't really have the money. If I were living back in AZ, it'd be different, (even though I have another xbox out that way that my mom hasn't sent me for whatever reason... I think she does it to see if I'll ever come back out there) and I don't mind! I'm a fairly simple creature as long as I'm left alone and no one bothers me.

Well, my grandfather listens to me, scoffs and walks away- slamming the door calling me an 'asshole'. Three minutes later, my grandmother comes in with a brown box and I see the label through her tears... a new fucking 360 Elite, the same I planned on buying from Amazon. I nearly shit myself. I instantly go from being insanely pissed off to 'holy fuck, I'm the worst child ever.', she screams something I can't remember, leaves the package and slams my door on her way out (they love slamming my door, I think).

I sit there, listen to the song 'Hard Work' by Paul Baribeau and gather my thoughts. I leave my bedroom and walk to the kitchen where my grandmother continues screaming stuff at me that I don't remember, except for her (in her manic-depressive, bi-polar, alcohol induced state) yelling 'YOU RUINED CHRISTMAS! WE JUST WANTED TO DO SOMETHING NICE FOR YOU!!!" and I leave her to ferment. During the rest of the day she continues telling me how I never complain, I keep to myself and all of this stuff while I keep reminding myself that I ruined Christmas for them. They wanted to do something nice and instead I shit on it.

I told her to take it, wrap it and wait until Christmas to give it to me. She keeps going 'NO!" like a kid until I somehow convince her that I refuse to touch it unless it's wrapped and under the tree.

Three days later (today) she's still bummed and pissed off at me.

I don't know, I feel horrible... but at the same time I'm not.

I feel bad because she seems to care so much, but it's not like 'it came from Santa' (a quote from Sam, yes, I stole it).

Who knows.

I manage to ruin everything else... why not Christmas?

Cheers, I guess.

- Josh

(oh, new myspace btw: myspace.com/gimmesomesoul)

So what and what else

Good morning world!
Well, sorta.
Fuck knows when you're reading this.

I've kinda been working all the time and just doing school junk.
To be honest- it's been less of school and more of work (52 hours in the past two weeks), horray for minimum wage!!!


I haven't really had the opportunity or the chance or the asking to hang out with friends lately. I hang out with Fro, Sam and Charlie once in a great while, but that's about it. In fact, here are some photos we took when we had fun with a mac at Best Buy:

(They'll probably need to be clicked so you can see all of the image)










That's pretty much it, haha.
I'm kind of writing something right now. Something I feel more connected with than my previous stuff, but I still want to keep writing on my 'Losing Your Mind...' stuff.

who knows.
Cheers!

I'm gonna be sellin'

my soul

Ready To Lose It

As of now, I am still livid.
Though I'm usually a cantankerous person by nature, the events of today have respired my anger.
I was over the by the large fryer today at work when I saw a one Nathan Mears. If some of you have forgotten Nathan, he is the fellow who impersonated a police officer and assaulted me at the park back in summer.

Since then I've seen him occasionally in town (you can't really evade it living in such a small town) and I've usually thought very little of it. I consider the past to be the past as should he.

Well, I saw him staring at me today. I didn't care, but Ant noticed it as well and he's like "Dude, he's probably trying to fuck with you.", I ignored him, I went about my business. He was STILL THERE after about three minutes and I got a little more paranoid. During this period, I see him motioning and speaking to my shift-manager, who (after about 5 seconds) yells back to me "Josh! I need you to go wash your hands and change your gloves." At first, I was confused, but then I realized that I had used my forearm to brush my hair out of my face. I didn't care, but a little later on, I asked Michelle if he (Nate) complained about me brushing my hair out of my face and she said yes. Apparently he told her that I was "rubbing my face", which- what a fucking tool. I wished I had jumped over the fucking counter and (tried) to beat the shit out of him.

1. I know that's VERY insanitary and I'm a hardcore clean freak.

2. Can he not culminate a sentence into anything larger than "rubbing his face?"

I was PISSED. Later on, I was talking to Anthony and I told him "Next time Nathan comes in here and complains about me, I'm losing my job because I'm going after him." and I will. I had him fucking arrested and this is his revenge, getting to me at work.

I willing (barely) to lose my job over some fucking asshole who has a personal vendetta.

- Josh.