How the hell?

I'm curious about something.
I've noticed that every time I stay at ANY ONES house, the following morning- I'm covered in hair.
I'm not sure why.
Given, more often than not whenever I stay at someones I'm intoxicated, so I can't honestly say that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Like, last night at Monica's place (skipping the part where I spilled two full glasses of beer) my clothing was hairless when I went to sleep. The following morning, I found an immense amount of fuzzy things and little hairs all over myself. Monica doesn't even have an animal!

Like, if you had a dog or a cat or something, then I'd understand, but it seems like I have a hair gravitational force field on me that attracts every hair in any outlying vicinity.

It's not a big deal, but in the morning it usually makes me go "what the fuck did I do?"

Oh- I'm 18 today. Cheers.

- Josh.

Remember Before They Changed!

People change
relationships, ideas and people dissolve and form themselves into something unrecognizable.
You have to remain the same distance at all time.
Keep your head up
Keep your eyes down
Don't let yourself change because someone else has
You are change
You inspire change
You create change
You end indifference with your walk
Don't let their dissolutions and do your best to recall the memories of your friends and hope that they remember you just the same.
Do your best to stay different while still showing you can love one another.
- Josh.
It's been fun guys.

Lost will end in riots.

A lot of people who either read my blog or know me personally know that I am a fan of the television show LOST. The unique way of storytelling, pseudo-noir and mystery captivate me as well as the wonderful cast of characters who are all different and well written.

Probable spoilers for those who haven't watched seasons 1 - 4.

Lately I've heard criticism of the show that just dumbfound me. Someone went "The show is stupid, those numbers are dumb and they move the island? it's retarded", I wanted to cut a bitch. I believe that this same person is also a Stargate fan... which.... yeah, you can suck my fl acid white dick.

The show is intently written so oddly and so discombobulated because the show is less of a show and more of an existential experience. If you watch the show then you might know what I mean, there are hardly (or possibly never?) shows that captivate audiences the way that Lost does.

If you can follow the show, then odds are- you'll like it. There is a character for everyone and anyone and it blends a nice amount of realism with science fiction and fantasy at the same time while still incorporating questions upon questions that you want answers to, but you know that you're not getting them for at least two more weeks.

I watch A LOT of television (only due to my little buddy named TiVo) and I can honestly say that there are three shows that I like as much as this; Weeds, Dexter and Californication (all of those happen to be on Showtime).

The show is set to wrap up after two more seasons (season 5 premieres on January 21st) and it's impossible for me to think that they can really end the show. I mean, I welcome the end to happen because everything should only run it's course before it gets tired and weak (Ala the last two seasons of The X-Files).

I honestly believe that they show will end with a riot from people. Not a riot in the show (maybe?) but actual people. If there are enough angry geeks like myself who get pissed off at the end, I believe there will be a (small) riot in which copies of The Stand are ripped up and people pray to Alan Moore statues while cursing J.J. Abrams loudly. I do have confidence in the producers and writers though, so we shall wait and see.

Are you a Lost fan? Predictions? Criticisms?
Like Stargate? ...Eat dick.

- Josh.

The Evolution Of A Nickname

Everyone has a nickname or two. These can be inside-joke nicknames, nicknames to identify a person with a common name, or something else completely.

My friend Charlie (who has been mentioned on here quite a bit) has had an evolving nickname pattern since mid-summer.

One night when we were drinking he came out and said that his last name backwards was Semen. For those of you who are following... you would realize that he made a grave mistake in telling immature teenagers (and Fro) that your last name is Semen backwards.

So, many people started referring to him as Semen or Charlie Semen, my fault.

Well, one day when Fro and I went to Charlies house for a bike ride and his mom referred to him as Chuck.

This means I had more to work with.

I slowly spread it around that his name was Chuck Semen, something only I found funny, I think.

Somehow, I heard different incarnations from different people who had different versions of his nickname:

Chuck-a-nut
Chuck Widmore (LOST reference, nooch)
Charlie Balls
Semen Chucker

All of those are pretty dumb, but I'm proud that I have evolved a simple nickname into a progressively growing language. It's like SimCity, really. You start small and eventually it grows into it's own environment.

Soon, I want a language and a cult to sprout from a simple nickname. People start speaking semeniese and worshiping Charlie's Quake 3 account.

Either way, good times.

- Josh

'Half of New York City is dead"

Good day!
Less than ten minutes ago, I finished "The Watchmen" by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons.
It is widely considered to be the pinnacle of Comic Books and Graphic Novels in the world, as it represents humanity in a dying age.


Truly the book is much more than a graphic novel or a simple comic book, it's a novel with pictures. Alan Moore (eccentric as he may be) is one of the best (and my second favorite) comic book writers that have ever lived (my first favorite being Sin City mastermind, Frank Miller).

It's impossible to describe the book without you actually reading it. Comics have gotten a bad rap of the past few years and I've been told to "grow up" after someone saw me with my copy of "The Watchmen", but they don't understand... comic books are just as much as an art form as movies, music or regular novels and The Watchmen is complete and utter proof of that.

It's not some difficult-to-follow short series inside of a larger series, The Watchmen is in it's own fucking world. They call out superheros as being superheros in some type of pseudo-fourth-wall breaking type thing. One of the characters, Nite Owl claims that he was a fan of the Superman comics and by doing this alone, The Watchmen create their OWN world. A world without people with insane powers given at birth.

The book is truly about humanity. The characters are so intensely written that you find yourself missing their presence and recalling certain deaths after the book is over. I've had it for over two years now, but with the new Watchmen movie coming in 2009 (directed by the great Zack Snyder) I figured I'd finally read it, and it's a worthwhile read.

So, put down your shitty "Twilight" novels and read something made of art.


- Josh.

Dick In Your Pants

There seems to be an odd bias of the ever-so-prominent, dirty little word called 'abortion'. Both sides are completely fucked and view the other as ignorant and stupid.

Pro-choicers look at the pro-lifers as baby killers and psychopaths.

Pro-lifers look at the pro-choicers are morons and religious zealots.

I'm pro-choice, but before you go "WOO!" or "Fucking baby killer" you should hear me out.

It IS murder, I will never argue otherwise and I also agree that bringing life into this world is a beautiful thing that one should treasure... but let's face it, some people shouldn't have, be allowed to have, or need children.

Some pro-lifers would say "She can just give it up for adoption!", but are they aware of how undercared for those children would be with an adoption agency and if you gave the baby away to a perfectly loving family, that girl would still have to live her entire life knowing what she did, conversely... she could've just not gotten knocked up. Then again, what if that child were a product of rape and she wanted to KEEP the child? that baby (and eventually person) would be a constant and consistent reminder of the rape she endured.

Both sides are fucking dumb as far as I'm concerned. Both sides overly-simplify the subject. Both sides are full of kooks and morons.

I'm pro-choice because unless it's my vagina or the girl (yeah, laugh, we know, I'm a girlfriendless loser) that I impregnate... I have no say. Say for instance I had a girlfriend (laugh again, I know you want to) and she got pregnant (yes, yes, me having sex with something other than a glove and a sock, funny) and it came down to MY decision... I'd probably want it aborted. Look around man, this world is fucked. I'm a burger boy at McDonalds, I have no right to bring a child into this world right now.

Guys: Keep your dick in your pants and shut the fuck up
Girls: Keep his dick away from your 'Gummy hole' and don't listen to your pastor, it's your body.

Also, an interesting story that probably influenced this minute post:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2008/nov/12/child-protection-crime-baby-p

Dish Bitch

It's been quite a while since I've went without sleep this long.

Sunday night I went to a show in Pittsburgh (That post should be up sometime this week) with George, Joe and Monica. I got home around 1:30 AM or so and didn't fall asleep until 6:30 AM when I had to wake up at 8:00 AM to call up a few teachers and do some schoolwork.

So I was REALLY looking forward to sleeping last night. It was something I was really anticipating. I needed some rest, I hadn't really slept all weekend and so last night I was gonna sleep from like 10:oo PM till 8:00 AM, something I haven't done in years, gotten a full nights rest.

Well... around 7:30 last night I got a call from McDonald's.

"Hey Joshua, you were supposed to work. Today, why didn't you come in?"

"I was?"

"Yeah we have you down as a no-show."

"No one told me. No one gave me my uniform, no one told me where the schedule was, nothing."

I had been there Saturday evening for the computer training part that made me want to stick my head in the deep-fryer. After I had finished the computer section I asked the new shift-manager (I was there for like 4 hours, so there was a different manager than when I got there) I asked her if there was anything else I needed to do, she asked what time I was supposed to leave, I told her Seven and she told me to go. She didn't bother telling me that they had my uniforms or that I should check the schedule (that barely knew existed.)

I didn't mind coming in though, that's the thing. I was just COMPLETELY unprepared. My head was so fucked, I was hungover, I couldn't (and still can't) hear out of my right ear and I was shaking for some reason.

I told my grandma I was going in and that I didn't know I had work and she went "well they can't walk you through hand and foot." It's not really walking me through hand and foot if NO ONE DOES THEIR FUCKING JOB TO TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK TO DO OR WHERE I CAN FIND ANYTHING.

I walked in the chilly weather to McDonald's in my usual attire (Shorts, flip-flops and t-shirt), I get my uniform and change. Jesus... Christ... I look/looked like a total twat. I had to tuck my hair behind my ears so now I just look like a fucking tool.

Michelle thanks me for coming in and tells me that it's hellish tonight because they have some inspection tomorrow and that's the only reason I wouldn't be working the grill tonight.

Most of the night I just clean under all of the machines and under the ice chest I found the most-shocking shit I'd ever seen since I saw Fro's ballsack on the NY train. Paper was just greased and stuck to the ground beneath the ice machine and it took fifteen minutes with a giant scrub brush to get it up.

Around 10ish I start doing dishes, somehow... I end up doing ALL of the dishes in the entire joint. I clean old mustard and ketchup, grease-soaked salt, chicken nuggets that had seen 'the shit' and many other things I'd prefer to block out as if I were raped by a family-member that night.

Michelle, Jesse and I end up leaving around 1 in the morning as I'm finishing dish duty.

Before I left Michelle said "If there weren't an inspection tomorrow you'd be on Grill tonight and we'd have Jesse showing you how to do stuff." and Jesse went "Yeah, don't feel bad, my entire first week here I was dish bitch too."

After I got home I took two showers and fell asleep around 2:30 AM. I'm still tired as hell now and I now find out that I've lost my ID and my Social Security card so that's kind a to-do, and I've gotta go check my schedule as well as get this bio report done. Fuck me, right?

- Josh.

Another Political Post.

With everyone spouting their own form of political bullshit, I decided that I'd grab some of the shit myself. I'm neither happy nor mad that Obama won the presidency.

For a while I was really Pro-Obama, but I fell off at a certain point because of his super-socialist ideas (I'm a fan of Socialism, but I don't think we're ready, especially in this economic climate). I then started digging McCain a lot more after than and dug a lot of his policies. I was about 3/4 for McCain until he introduced Sarah Palin, his VP ticket.

After I heard who the VP tickets were I looked at it like this:

1. McCain is old as shit and I don't think he'd make it the next four year.

2. Obama is the target of numerous groups and the likelihood of him being assassinated are great.

So, I'd feel MUCH better with Biden taking over instead of Palin, because if Palin took over I'd have to deal with even more nutty psycho-Christians.

She scares the living fuck out of me, she's like an insane bond villain as far as I'm concerned. Honestly, I wanted McCain to just win so I could see what stupid fucking thing she'd say or do next. She's actually open about her psycho-Christian attitude! Her husband is part of a committee that wants Alaska to actually dissolve from the union. The church she is a part of teaches people that when Jesus comes back that Alaska will be the safe-haven for Christians and that it'll be the only safe place on Earth.

(Click on the images to enlarge and read them, I edited the name and face out so I won't get yelled at. Both are by the same person, by the way.)



I never knew I had psycho-Christian friends on Myspace... but if you're gonna dislike Obama, dislike him for the right reasons.

1. Dislike him for his stance on taxes.
2. Dislike him for his stance on gun-control.
3. Dislike him for something that actually deals with his policies.

Don't dislike him because he isn't "Christian enough". WE DON'T NEED A CHRISTIAN FUCKING NATION.

The Modern Horror movie.

The modern horror movie has died. the over-commercialization and low-quality, high-profit belief has given us pieces of shit like The Grudge, The Ring, Funny Games, One Missed Call, When A Stranger Calls and countless sequels, remakes and adaptions that generally fall under lack-luster and general failure. The worst part is that these hack films make MILLIONS of fucking dollars. These shitty movies are directed by shitty horror directors who think that adding a suspenseful tune from Tyler Bates will cure all of the woes and problems with the movie. What the should do is rewrite the entire movie from top to bottom, but instead they add another million dollars towards marketing and hope for the best.

Soon the great directors and writers like George. A. Romero, Dario Argento, Sam Raami and Tobe Hooper will die and so will real horror movies. Then I'll end up being one of these fucking morons that go see the newest American adaption of a Japanese horror movie. I can already feel it. I can feel myself speaking valley-girl and walking out going "Oh my god, that was soooooo scary.", I fucking know it.


Recently I saw The Strangers. I didn't enjoy it, nor did I hate it. I note that the film makes adequate usage of walk-ons from nowhere and a generally good use of character. It's not a horror movie. it's another suspense-thriller about some nutty fucks who like killing people. Those type of things actually happen but Rob Zombie's depiction of nutty-killers with The Devil's Rejects makes The Strangers look completely sub-par.

It's truly the fans and the companies that ruin horror movies. The BEST horror movies are the Independent and British horror movies. These major companies ruin it because they want some fucking Casey Affleck motherfucker in the film and center the release, market and premise on the film on them when the director probably wants Casey Affleck to fuck off and do another Ocean's movie so he can make a good horror movie without the pressure of making Affleck the center of attention.

George A. Romero and Dario Argento are possibly the last living remnants of a old horror scene. Romero is the man who brought you Night Of The Living Dead (minus any remakes or Russo films). He followed up his cult masterpiece with the legendary Dawn Of The Dead in 1978 that told the story of a small
group of people living in a mall during a zombie invasion. It's widely considered to be one of the GREATEST horror movies of all time. It was original. He of course used his zombie aspect from NOTLD but in Dawn he thought of so many ways to kill zombies (including getting a head cut off by a helicopter propellor) as well as make compelling character progession that is nearly impossible to find these days.


It's not ALL grim in the world of horror movies though. There are quite a few great directions like Edgar Wright, Neil Marshall, Thomas Alfredson and many others who come from Europe and make genuinely great horror films that America cannot compete with.

Hopefully our American industries will see the quality over the quantity of tickets sold matters just a little.

Here's some great horror and suspense films likely to keep you entertained:

(Pre- 2000)

Night Of The Living Dead
Night Of The Living Dead (Tom Savini remake)
Dawn Of The Dead
Day Of The Dead
Evil Dead
Evil Dead 2
Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Rosemary's Baby
Exorcist (duh)
Black Sabbath
Children Of The Corn
Psycho
Suspiria
The People Under The Stairs
IT (fuck you, I thought it was scary)
Seven
The Lost Boys
Re-Animator
Scanners
Silence Of The Lambs
Zombi 2
The Shining

(Post 2000)

Saw
Saw 2
Saw 3
(After that they just get stupid and you just want answers)
Feast
Descent
Slither
Ginger Snaps
August Undergrounds Mortum (fucking... just... yeah... just... fuck)
Shaun Of The Dead
Frailty

There are of course more great horror flicks and you're free to add some of your favorite via comments.

- Josh.