Sometimes life isn't so terrible

I had a dream last night, well- to be honest it was a wet-dream, but let's not allow that to deter the meaning of the dream.

The dream had a girl from my past in it, but not a girlfriend- not even a girl from this state or coast.

It was interesting.

Then I woke up this morning and for some reason I feel good. I mean sure, I made cumsies, but I feel actually- worry-free. Christ knows it'll only last about a day or two, but it's worth it.

I just feel like, maybe life isn't so terrible after all.

This time last year I was in one of the three worst places of my life (number two was following the NY trip last summer and the other was a LONGGGGGGG time ago). I'd all but cheated on Christina, I was broke, I felt alone... now, I think I've come a long way.

You all got some potential for a wet dream and a happy day. use it.

Things (Possibly) To Come

It's been a while!

Uhhhhhh.

Horrible audio quality!

Just download and listen!

http://rapidshare.com/files/183904821/Things__possibly__to_come.mp3.html


Skylightaftersilence@gmail.com

Pain

right now, it's 3:39 AM on January 2nd, 2009.

Kimya Dawson roams through my head and for the first time I can say that I wish it would stop.

I've predicated much on who I am based on 'things I've learned' which is really 'my fuckups and mistakes'. I grew up after I ruined a relationship with (probably) one of the most amazing people I've ever known.

I thought I grew up at least.

Instead, I run from my fucking problems. I pretend they don't exist and I forget about them until it's completely necessary to address them.

What does Kimya Dawson have to do with this? Easy. Juno.

Juno was one of the last times I recall really having fun. I went and saw it with Christina (my ex-girlfriend) and a mere few weeks later- we broke up.

People have asked me and I've answered truthfully- but without much of any real answer. I'd say:

1. We broke up because I was/am a bad boyfriend and I know it.

(statement is true, but it's not why we broke up, to me at least)

2. I just stopped caring.

(I've thought about this many times. I never stopped caring, I just stopped wanting to care.)

3. I fucked things up

(also true)

Truthfully- I was unfaithful to my dear ex-girlfriend. She put up with my shit for almost a year, something no person should ever have to do. She dealt with my angry fits, my over-opinionated rants and my general snideness for longer than she should've... because she loved me.

My emotions have (and will always be) the least controllable thing to me. I can control myself occasionally but I over-react, act before think and usually just say the worst things. She still put up with that and gave me her heart. What did I do? I got nude pictures from girls in other states (as well as my own town) while we were dating.

Me? fuck me man.
I'm being honest.
I'm the worst person I know.

- Josh.