The Analog Clarity

Those flowers on my walls

2009-03-30T09:41:00.002-04:00

She stared at me with discontent and I felt the blood coarse through my veins like a freight-train on a one-way destination with no worries or no lives to save in the process.

"What the hell is your problem?!" she asked me, but I had no answer. Instead, I stand there, my rage burning and seething directly below the surface, waiting for the opportune moment to snap. "I have no problem" I reply, indifferently. She scoffs at my pathetic attempt to wipe the situation clean from my back and then she proceeds to mock and defile who I am in a series of offensive laughs that make my eyes burn and my face twitch for lack of reason.

I'd fallen in love with this woman years ago and now my love has shifted. It went from her, a 38 year old mother of my children and love of my life to the 14 year old body of my daughter's best-friend. How it happened I'll never truly be able to explain, but one with sight and similar feelings might be able to answer that question for me.

"You're sick!" she tells me. I cannot deny this. I stand there appropriating my gaze to whatever feels least awkward at the moment. "You're a fucking creep!" she yells in my direction. My eyes look up to her now, she openly burns her rage. Mine is down. My rage is at the center and the core of the human infrastructure waiting until someone finally snaps and breaks me open like a glowstick.

I've thought how this moment would go various times throughout my tenure with the girl, but I could never come to a logical conclusion on the subject. Instead, I would play it over in my head and each time my wife would be less angry at me. Now, as I stand her with my pride in my right hand pocket all I can think is that this was far worse than I'd ever expected.

"You dirty, old, fucking loser!" she calls me. I perk up, my cheek twitches and I walk forward. I grab a picture off of the wall without looking at it. "What are you doing now?!" she yells to me. I continue marching toward her as she's backing away. I get her in the corner, lift up with the glass picture frame and let go on her face. I destroy her beauty and I demolish her ability to call me names. I don't quit. The glass is long gone at this point (noted by the amount left in her face) and she lay there still, lifeless.

influence

2009-03-24T14:43:00.002-04:00

the room spun, his body felt heavy. He'd made it up the stairs, though barely. He thought about his actions before they disappeared into oblivion never to see the light of day again. He cringed at the sobriety and welcomed the mental levity the drugs brought him. They were all a smoke-screen to cover up the distant and corrosive past the he refused to acknowledge.

The sad times he referred to them in his more lucid states. Alas, his lucidity never quite lasted long enough to make an impression in his conscious.

For some odd reason or occurrence, he'd went outside to sit on the porch. His eyes hazy, glassy, empty and dull. The drugs are just deeply sobering he'd often repeat. Sobering to see what the world has become without your insolence, maybe.

He closed his eyes as he sat upright and began to drift. His mind went places he didn't want it to and his brain couldn't find one simple place to relax in between any of it. He felt a void rising in him and the man was helpless but to accept what he was given.

Instead, he lay down on his porch and drift away with the evening air.

"So are you coming?"

2009-03-17T10:14:00.004-04:00

"So are you coming home with me?" he asked her. "Well, I really don't know you. I'm new to town anyways." The man smiled. "Well, my name is Philip, I live about fifteen minutes away in the upper East Side if you go by foot. Also, you made your point- you're new to town, you could probably use a friendly hand." She thought of this momentarily. She'd come out from Washington where she had spent most of her younger years. She'd been staying at a friends home in Poughkeepsie and made the trek to the city to see what she'd been missing out on.

She still stood there, her eyes affixed to Philip's face. She wanted to know if he was a 'good guy' or a 'bad guy' but eventually threw away any ideas that someone would want to hurt her.

"Yes." she said, weakly. Philip smiled. "Okay, well let's go then." The two walked out of the pub and Philip hailed a cab. The weather was cold, the streets were thick with snow and Central Park was a mere fifty paces ahead.

"Where to?" the driver asked the two people. Philip replied with his assumed home address and the Taxi went off into the night.

Old Jazz poured out of the car stereo. Miles Davis to be exact. To be more exact it was the song "Diner Au Motel", a gem. The subtle bebop sounds mixed with the flashing lights and radiating street-lights as the girl stared out the window. She was mesmerized. "New York is the prettiest place you'll ever see during the Winter, Nancy." Nancy didn't reply, not right away anyways. She continued to look out the windows while listening to the trumpet noise and snare drum roll.

Nancy thought herself to be rude and eventually decided to spark up a conversation with the recently met Philip. "So, uh what do you do?" she asked. Philip took himself from his newspaper he found in the back seat and answered her. "I work for an investment firm, boring crap." He made a slight laugh and then he asked her a similar question. "What about you? What do you do? Why're you here?" She looked out the window as she spoke. "Well, I was a teacher. Grade school, mostly. I don't know. I got tired of it. I wanted to experience something else."

He looked at her fondly before conjuring a question. "Well, is this 'something else'?" he asked. "It sure is." she said.

Sometimes life isn't so terrible

2009-01-23T09:34:00.002-05:00

I had a dream last night, well- to be honest it was a wet-dream, but let's not allow that to deter the meaning of the dream.

The dream had a girl from my past in it, but not a girlfriend- not even a girl from this state or coast.

It was interesting.

Then I woke up this morning and for some reason I feel good. I mean sure, I made cumsies, but I feel actually- worry-free. Christ knows it'll only last about a day or two, but it's worth it.

I just feel like, maybe life isn't so terrible after all.

This time last year I was in one of the three worst places of my life (number two was following the NY trip last summer and the other was a LONGGGGGGG time ago). I'd all but cheated on Christina, I was broke, I felt alone... now, I think I've come a long way.

You all got some potential for a wet dream and a happy day. use it.

Things (Possibly) To Come

2009-01-15T15:40:00.002-05:00

It's been a while!

Uhhhhhh.

Horrible audio quality!

Just download and listen!

http://rapidshare.com/files/183904821/Things__possibly__to_come.mp3.html

Skylightaftersilence@gmail.com

Pain

2009-01-02T03:39:00.003-05:00

right now, it's 3:39 AM on January 2nd, 2009.

Kimya Dawson roams through my head and for the first time I can say that I wish it would stop.

I've predicated much on who I am based on 'things I've learned' which is really 'my fuckups and mistakes'. I grew up after I ruined a relationship with (probably) one of the most amazing people I've ever known.

I thought I grew up at least.

Instead, I run from my fucking problems. I pretend they don't exist and I forget about them until it's completely necessary to address them.

What does Kimya Dawson have to do with this? Easy. Juno.

Juno was one of the last times I recall really having fun. I went and saw it with Christina (my ex-girlfriend) and a mere few weeks later- we broke up.

People have asked me and I've answered truthfully- but without much of any real answer. I'd say:

1. We broke up because I was/am a bad boyfriend and I know it.

(statement is true, but it's not why we broke up, to me at least)

2. I just stopped caring.

(I've thought about this many times. I never stopped caring, I just stopped wanting to care.)

3. I fucked things up

(also true)

Truthfully- I was unfaithful to my dear ex-girlfriend. She put up with my shit for almost a year, something no person should ever have to do. She dealt with my angry fits, my over-opinionated rants and my general snideness for longer than she should've... because she loved me.

My emotions have (and will always be) the least controllable thing to me. I can control myself occasionally but I over-react, act before think and usually just say the worst things. She still put up with that and gave me her heart. What did I do? I got nude pictures from girls in other states (as well as my own town) while we were dating.

Me? fuck me man.
I'm being honest.
I'm the worst person I know.

- Josh.

How I Ruined Christmas

2008-12-18T20:00:00.003-05:00

Christmas time with my family is a bad dig. It's pretty horrible for my grandmother who constantly misses my uncle (who offed himself a few years back) so things get tense from the second week of December to the New Year. It's because of this (as well as the same thing with my mother) that I've pretty much stopped celebrating Christmas altogether.

I figured that since Alcoholism, Manic Depressive nature and Bi-Polar disorder run in my family, that I'd separate myself from the grief that they allow themselves to be overcome with during this season by distancing myself from the holiday.

As I mentioned, Manic Depression and Bi-Polar run in my family (though, certain members like my grandmother want people to pity her) and it makes for a tense household that I avoid by staying in my room and going to work.

Why that is important will be learned in the rest of this story.

A few weeks back I decided that I'd buy a 360 to help cope with the insane amounts of boredom that I feel during the winter.

I kept telling my grandparents that I planned on buying it and in their nearly-constant-drunken-states they'd tell me to wait until 'Christmas was over' so I could find a better deal... but, I'm an impulse buyer and I'm not one to not buy a product because of a $5 - $10 increase.

Like most suggestions they give me, I put it behind me and just quietly go about my day with my plan still in progress.

Well, my plan was to buy the 'Elite' bundle from Amazon.com on Tuesday after I got paid (I had enough money in my account to cover it initially, but I didn't want my balance to near zero) and when Tuesday morning came... shit hit the fan.

My grandparents kept telling me the same, dumb shit over and over again. 'Wait til' Christmas is over, then you'll get a better deal!" and I didn't really give a shit at the time, to be honest. I got paid and I put my order in at Amazon.com and not five minutes later my grandpa comes into my room and shuts the door.

'Okay, now you fucking listen.' he said, which is always a great way to start talking to another human, regardless of relation or not. He proceeded to tell me not to buy it and that my aunt and uncle 'Went to a Christmas Auction' and bought me a used one. I told him that I was buying a new one and that I didn't need my family to think that I was some fucking kid who wants and needs handouts when I have a job and my own money.

It's completely true! I planned on buying it myself because I know that my grandparents don't really have the money. If I were living back in AZ, it'd be different, (even though I have another xbox out that way that my mom hasn't sent me for whatever reason... I think she does it to see if I'll ever come back out there) and I don't mind! I'm a fairly simple creature as long as I'm left alone and no one bothers me.

Well, my grandfather listens to me, scoffs and walks away- slamming the door calling me an 'asshole'. Three minutes later, my grandmother comes in with a brown box and I see the label through her tears... a new fucking 360 Elite, the same I planned on buying from Amazon. I nearly shit myself. I instantly go from being insanely pissed off to 'holy fuck, I'm the worst child ever.', she screams something I can't remember, leaves the package and slams my door on her way out (they love slamming my door, I think).

I sit there, listen to the song 'Hard Work' by Paul Baribeau and gather my thoughts. I leave my bedroom and walk to the kitchen where my grandmother continues screaming stuff at me that I don't remember, except for her (in her manic-depressive, bi-polar, alcohol induced state) yelling 'YOU RUINED CHRISTMAS! WE JUST WANTED TO DO SOMETHING NICE FOR YOU!!!" and I leave her to ferment. During the rest of the day she continues telling me how I never complain, I keep to myself and all of this stuff while I keep reminding myself that I ruined Christmas for them. They wanted to do something nice and instead I shit on it.

I told her to take it, wrap it and wait until Christmas to give it to me. She keeps going 'NO!" like a kid until I somehow convince her that I refuse to touch it unless it's wrapped and under the tree.

Three days later (today) she's still bummed and pissed off at me.

I don't know, I feel horrible... but at the same time I'm not.

I feel bad because she seems to care so much, but it's not like 'it came from Santa' (a quote from Sam, yes, I stole it).

Who knows.

I manage to ruin everything else... why not Christmas?

Cheers, I guess.

- Josh

(oh, new myspace btw: myspace.com/gimmesomesoul)

So what and what else

2008-12-18T10:29:00.004-05:00

Good morning world!
Well, sorta.
Fuck knows when you're reading this.

I've kinda been working all the time and just doing school junk.
To be honest- it's been less of school and more of work (52 hours in the past two weeks), horray for minimum wage!!!

I haven't really had the opportunity or the chance or the asking to hang out with friends lately. I hang out with Fro, Sam and Charlie once in a great while, but that's about it. In fact, here are some photos we took when we had fun with a mac at Best Buy:

(They'll probably need to be clicked so you can see all of the image)

That's pretty much it, haha.
I'm kind of writing something right now. Something I feel more connected with than my previous stuff, but I still want to keep writing on my 'Losing Your Mind...' stuff.

who knows.
Cheers!

I'm gonna be sellin'

2008-12-13T13:03:00.000-05:00

my soul

Ready To Lose It

2008-12-01T02:12:00.003-05:00

As of now, I am still livid.
Though I'm usually a cantankerous person by nature, the events of today have respired my anger.
I was over the by the large fryer today at work when I saw a one Nathan Mears. If some of you have forgotten Nathan, he is the fellow who impersonated a police officer and assaulted me at the park back in summer.

Since then I've seen him occasionally in town (you can't really evade it living in such a small town) and I've usually thought very little of it. I consider the past to be the past as should he.

Well, I saw him staring at me today. I didn't care, but Ant noticed it as well and he's like "Dude, he's probably trying to fuck with you.", I ignored him, I went about my business. He was STILL THERE after about three minutes and I got a little more paranoid. During this period, I see him motioning and speaking to my shift-manager, who (after about 5 seconds) yells back to me "Josh! I need you to go wash your hands and change your gloves." At first, I was confused, but then I realized that I had used my forearm to brush my hair out of my face. I didn't care, but a little later on, I asked Michelle if he (Nate) complained about me brushing my hair out of my face and she said yes. Apparently he told her that I was "rubbing my face", which- what a fucking tool. I wished I had jumped over the fucking counter and (tried) to beat the shit out of him.

1. I know that's VERY insanitary and I'm a hardcore clean freak.

2. Can he not culminate a sentence into anything larger than "rubbing his face?"

I was PISSED. Later on, I was talking to Anthony and I told him "Next time Nathan comes in here and complains about me, I'm losing my job because I'm going after him." and I will. I had him fucking arrested and this is his revenge, getting to me at work.

I willing (barely) to lose my job over some fucking asshole who has a personal vendetta.

- Josh.

How the hell?

2008-11-29T14:09:00.002-05:00

I'm curious about something.
I've noticed that every time I stay at ANY ONES house, the following morning- I'm covered in hair.
I'm not sure why.
Given, more often than not whenever I stay at someones I'm intoxicated, so I can't honestly say that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Like, last night at Monica's place (skipping the part where I spilled two full glasses of beer) my clothing was hairless when I went to sleep. The following morning, I found an immense amount of fuzzy things and little hairs all over myself. Monica doesn't even have an animal!

Like, if you had a dog or a cat or something, then I'd understand, but it seems like I have a hair gravitational force field on me that attracts every hair in any outlying vicinity.

It's not a big deal, but in the morning it usually makes me go "what the fuck did I do?"

Oh- I'm 18 today. Cheers.

- Josh.

Remember Before They Changed!

2008-11-27T21:24:00.003-05:00

People change
relationships, ideas and people dissolve and form themselves into something unrecognizable.
You have to remain the same distance at all time.
Keep your head up
Keep your eyes down
Don't let yourself change because someone else has
You are change
You inspire change
You create change
You end indifference with your walk
Don't let their dissolutions and do your best to recall the memories of your friends and hope that they remember you just the same.
Do your best to stay different while still showing you can love one another.
- Josh.
It's been fun guys.

Lost will end in riots.

2008-11-18T12:08:00.002-05:00

A lot of people who either read my blog or know me personally know that I am a fan of the television show LOST. The unique way of storytelling, pseudo-noir and mystery captivate me as well as the wonderful cast of characters who are all different and well written.

Probable spoilers for those who haven't watched seasons 1 - 4.

Lately I've heard criticism of the show that just dumbfound me. Someone went "The show is stupid, those numbers are dumb and they move the island? it's retarded", I wanted to cut a bitch. I believe that this same person is also a Stargate fan... which.... yeah, you can suck my fl acid white dick.

The show is intently written so oddly and so discombobulated because the show is less of a show and more of an existential experience. If you watch the show then you might know what I mean, there are hardly (or possibly never?) shows that captivate audiences the way that Lost does.

If you can follow the show, then odds are- you'll like it. There is a character for everyone and anyone and it blends a nice amount of realism with science fiction and fantasy at the same time while still incorporating questions upon questions that you want answers to, but you know that you're not getting them for at least two more weeks.

I watch A LOT of television (only due to my little buddy named TiVo) and I can honestly say that there are three shows that I like as much as this; Weeds, Dexter and Californication (all of those happen to be on Showtime).

The show is set to wrap up after two more seasons (season 5 premieres on January 21st) and it's impossible for me to think that they can really end the show. I mean, I welcome the end to happen because everything should only run it's course before it gets tired and weak (Ala the last two seasons of The X-Files).

I honestly believe that they show will end with a riot from people. Not a riot in the show (maybe?) but actual people. If there are enough angry geeks like myself who get pissed off at the end, I believe there will be a (small) riot in which copies of The Stand are ripped up and people pray to Alan Moore statues while cursing J.J. Abrams loudly. I do have confidence in the producers and writers though, so we shall wait and see.

Are you a Lost fan? Predictions? Criticisms?
Like Stargate? ...Eat dick.

- Josh.

The Evolution Of A Nickname

2008-11-16T16:57:00.003-05:00

Everyone has a nickname or two. These can be inside-joke nicknames, nicknames to identify a person with a common name, or something else completely.

My friend Charlie (who has been mentioned on here quite a bit) has had an evolving nickname pattern since mid-summer.

One night when we were drinking he came out and said that his last name backwards was Semen. For those of you who are following... you would realize that he made a grave mistake in telling immature teenagers (and Fro) that your last name is Semen backwards.

So, many people started referring to him as Semen or Charlie Semen, my fault.

Well, one day when Fro and I went to Charlies house for a bike ride and his mom referred to him as Chuck.

This means I had more to work with.

I slowly spread it around that his name was Chuck Semen, something only I found funny, I think.

Somehow, I heard different incarnations from different people who had different versions of his nickname:

Chuck-a-nut
Chuck Widmore (LOST reference, nooch)
Charlie Balls
Semen Chucker

All of those are pretty dumb, but I'm proud that I have evolved a simple nickname into a progressively growing language. It's like SimCity, really. You start small and eventually it grows into it's own environment.

Soon, I want a language and a cult to sprout from a simple nickname. People start speaking semeniese and worshiping Charlie's Quake 3 account.

Either way, good times.

- Josh

'Half of New York City is dead"

2008-11-15T16:28:00.004-05:00

Good day!
Less than ten minutes ago, I finished "The Watchmen" by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons.
It is widely considered to be the pinnacle of Comic Books and Graphic Novels in the world, as it represents humanity in a dying age.

Truly the book is much more than a graphic novel or a simple comic book, it's a novel with pictures. Alan Moore (eccentric as he may be) is one of the best (and my second favorite) comic book writers that have ever lived (my first favorite being Sin City mastermind, Frank Miller).

It's impossible to describe the book without you actually reading it. Comics have gotten a bad rap of the past few years and I've been told to "grow up" after someone saw me with my copy of "The Watchmen", but they don't understand... comic books are just as much as an art form as movies, music or regular novels and The Watchmen is complete and utter proof of that.

It's not some difficult-to-follow short series inside of a larger series, The Watchmen is in it's own fucking world. They call out superheros as being superheros in some type of pseudo-fourth-wall breaking type thing. One of the characters, Nite Owl claims that he was a fan of the Superman comics and by doing this alone, The Watchmen create their OWN world. A world without people with insane powers given at birth.

The book is truly about humanity. The characters are so intensely written that you find yourself missing their presence and recalling certain deaths after the book is over. I've had it for over two years now, but with the new Watchmen movie coming in 2009 (directed by the great Zack Snyder) I figured I'd finally read it, and it's a worthwhile read.

So, put down your shitty "Twilight" novels and read something made of art.

- Josh.

Dick In Your Pants

2008-11-13T17:56:00.003-05:00

There seems to be an odd bias of the ever-so-prominent, dirty little word called 'abortion'. Both sides are completely fucked and view the other as ignorant and stupid.

Pro-choicers look at the pro-lifers as baby killers and psychopaths.

Pro-lifers look at the pro-choicers are morons and religious zealots.

I'm pro-choice, but before you go "WOO!" or "Fucking baby killer" you should hear me out.

It IS murder, I will never argue otherwise and I also agree that bringing life into this world is a beautiful thing that one should treasure... but let's face it, some people shouldn't have, be allowed to have, or need children.

Some pro-lifers would say "She can just give it up for adoption!", but are they aware of how undercared for those children would be with an adoption agency and if you gave the baby away to a perfectly loving family, that girl would still have to live her entire life knowing what she did, conversely... she could've just not gotten knocked up. Then again, what if that child were a product of rape and she wanted to KEEP the child? that baby (and eventually person) would be a constant and consistent reminder of the rape she endured.

Both sides are fucking dumb as far as I'm concerned. Both sides overly-simplify the subject. Both sides are full of kooks and morons.

I'm pro-choice because unless it's my vagina or the girl (yeah, laugh, we know, I'm a girlfriendless loser) that I impregnate... I have no say. Say for instance I had a girlfriend (laugh again, I know you want to) and she got pregnant (yes, yes, me having sex with something other than a glove and a sock, funny) and it came down to MY decision... I'd probably want it aborted. Look around man, this world is fucked. I'm a burger boy at McDonalds, I have no right to bring a child into this world right now.

Guys: Keep your dick in your pants and shut the fuck up
Girls: Keep his dick away from your 'Gummy hole' and don't listen to your pastor, it's your body.

Also, an interesting story that probably influenced this minute post:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2008/nov/12/child-protection-crime-baby-p

Dish Bitch

2008-11-11T10:20:00.006-05:00

It's been quite a while since I've went without sleep this long.

Sunday night I went to a show in Pittsburgh (That post should be up sometime this week) with George, Joe and Monica. I got home around 1:30 AM or so and didn't fall asleep until 6:30 AM when I had to wake up at 8:00 AM to call up a few teachers and do some schoolwork.

So I was REALLY looking forward to sleeping last night. It was something I was really anticipating. I needed some rest, I hadn't really slept all weekend and so last night I was gonna sleep from like 10:oo PM till 8:00 AM, something I haven't done in years, gotten a full nights rest.

Well... around 7:30 last night I got a call from McDonald's.

"Hey Joshua, you were supposed to work. Today, why didn't you come in?"

"I was?"

"Yeah we have you down as a no-show."

"No one told me. No one gave me my uniform, no one told me where the schedule was, nothing."

I had been there Saturday evening for the computer training part that made me want to stick my head in the deep-fryer. After I had finished the computer section I asked the new shift-manager (I was there for like 4 hours, so there was a different manager than when I got there) I asked her if there was anything else I needed to do, she asked what time I was supposed to leave, I told her Seven and she told me to go. She didn't bother telling me that they had my uniforms or that I should check the schedule (that barely knew existed.)

I didn't mind coming in though, that's the thing. I was just COMPLETELY unprepared. My head was so fucked, I was hungover, I couldn't (and still can't) hear out of my right ear and I was shaking for some reason.

I told my grandma I was going in and that I didn't know I had work and she went "well they can't walk you through hand and foot." It's not really walking me through hand and foot if NO ONE DOES THEIR FUCKING JOB TO TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK TO DO OR WHERE I CAN FIND ANYTHING.

I walked in the chilly weather to McDonald's in my usual attire (Shorts, flip-flops and t-shirt), I get my uniform and change. Jesus... Christ... I look/looked like a total twat. I had to tuck my hair behind my ears so now I just look like a fucking tool.

Michelle thanks me for coming in and tells me that it's hellish tonight because they have some inspection tomorrow and that's the only reason I wouldn't be working the grill tonight.

Most of the night I just clean under all of the machines and under the ice chest I found the most-shocking shit I'd ever seen since I saw Fro's ballsack on the NY train. Paper was just greased and stuck to the ground beneath the ice machine and it took fifteen minutes with a giant scrub brush to get it up.

Around 10ish I start doing dishes, somehow... I end up doing ALL of the dishes in the entire joint. I clean old mustard and ketchup, grease-soaked salt, chicken nuggets that had seen 'the shit' and many other things I'd prefer to block out as if I were raped by a family-member that night.

Michelle, Jesse and I end up leaving around 1 in the morning as I'm finishing dish duty.

Before I left Michelle said "If there weren't an inspection tomorrow you'd be on Grill tonight and we'd have Jesse showing you how to do stuff." and Jesse went "Yeah, don't feel bad, my entire first week here I was dish bitch too."

After I got home I took two showers and fell asleep around 2:30 AM. I'm still tired as hell now and I now find out that I've lost my ID and my Social Security card so that's kind a to-do, and I've gotta go check my schedule as well as get this bio report done. Fuck me, right?

- Josh.

Another Political Post.

2008-11-05T10:26:00.005-05:00

With everyone spouting their own form of political bullshit, I decided that I'd grab some of the shit myself. I'm neither happy nor mad that Obama won the presidency.

For a while I was really Pro-Obama, but I fell off at a certain point because of his super-socialist ideas (I'm a fan of Socialism, but I don't think we're ready, especially in this economic climate). I then started digging McCain a lot more after than and dug a lot of his policies. I was about 3/4 for McCain until he introduced Sarah Palin, his VP ticket.

After I heard who the VP tickets were I looked at it like this:

1. McCain is old as shit and I don't think he'd make it the next four year.

2. Obama is the target of numerous groups and the likelihood of him being assassinated are great.

So, I'd feel MUCH better with Biden taking over instead of Palin, because if Palin took over I'd have to deal with even more nutty psycho-Christians.

She scares the living fuck out of me, she's like an insane bond villain as far as I'm concerned. Honestly, I wanted McCain to just win so I could see what stupid fucking thing she'd say or do next. She's actually open about her psycho-Christian attitude! Her husband is part of a committee that wants Alaska to actually dissolve from the union. The church she is a part of teaches people that when Jesus comes back that Alaska will be the safe-haven for Christians and that it'll be the only safe place on Earth.

(Click on the images to enlarge and read them, I edited the name and face out so I won't get yelled at. Both are by the same person, by the way.)

I never knew I had psycho-Christian friends on Myspace... but if you're gonna dislike Obama, dislike him for the right reasons.

1. Dislike him for his stance on taxes.
2. Dislike him for his stance on gun-control.
3. Dislike him for something that actually deals with his policies.

Don't dislike him because he isn't "Christian enough". WE DON'T NEED A CHRISTIAN FUCKING NATION.

The Modern Horror movie.

2008-11-02T18:15:00.004-05:00

The modern horror movie has died. the over-commercialization and low-quality, high-profit belief has given us pieces of shit like The Grudge, The Ring, Funny Games, One Missed Call, When A Stranger Calls and countless sequels, remakes and adaptions that generally fall under lack-luster and general failure. The worst part is that these hack films make MILLIONS of fucking dollars. These shitty movies are directed by shitty horror directors who think that adding a suspenseful tune from Tyler Bates will cure all of the woes and problems with the movie. What the should do is rewrite the entire movie from top to bottom, but instead they add another million dollars towards marketing and hope for the best.

Soon the great directors and writers like George. A. Romero, Dario Argento, Sam Raami and Tobe Hooper will die and so will real horror movies. Then I'll end up being one of these fucking morons that go see the newest American adaption of a Japanese horror movie. I can already feel it. I can feel myself speaking valley-girl and walking out going "Oh my god, that was soooooo scary.", I fucking know it.

Recently I saw The Strangers. I didn't enjoy it, nor did I hate it. I note that the film makes adequate usage of walk-ons from nowhere and a generally good use of character. It's not a horror movie. it's another suspense-thriller about some nutty fucks who like killing people. Those type of things actually happen but Rob Zombie's depiction of nutty-killers with The Devil's Rejects makes The Strangers look completely sub-par.

It's truly the fans and the companies that ruin horror movies. The BEST horror movies are the Independent and British horror movies. These major companies ruin it because they want some fucking Casey Affleck motherfucker in the film and center the release, market and premise on the film on them when the director probably wants Casey Affleck to fuck off and do another Ocean's movie so he can make a good horror movie without the pressure of making Affleck the center of attention.

George A. Romero and Dario Argento are possibly the last living remnants of a old horror scene. Romero is the man who brought you Night Of The Living Dead (minus any remakes or Russo films). He followed up his cult masterpiece with the legendary Dawn Of The Dead in 1978 that told the story of a small
group of people living in a mall during a zombie invasion. It's widely considered to be one of the GREATEST horror movies of all time. It was original. He of course used his zombie aspect from NOTLD but in Dawn he thought of so many ways to kill zombies (including getting a head cut off by a helicopter propellor) as well as make compelling character progession that is nearly impossible to find these days.

It's not ALL grim in the world of horror movies though. There are quite a few great directions like Edgar Wright, Neil Marshall, Thomas Alfredson and many others who come from Europe and make genuinely great horror films that America cannot compete with.

Hopefully our American industries will see the quality over the quantity of tickets sold matters just a little.

Here's some great horror and suspense films likely to keep you entertained:

(Pre- 2000)

Night Of The Living Dead
Night Of The Living Dead (Tom Savini remake)
Dawn Of The Dead
Day Of The Dead
Evil Dead
Evil Dead 2
Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Rosemary's Baby
Exorcist (duh)
Black Sabbath
Children Of The Corn
Psycho
Suspiria
The People Under The Stairs
IT (fuck you, I thought it was scary)
Seven
The Lost Boys
Re-Animator
Scanners
Silence Of The Lambs
Zombi 2
The Shining

(Post 2000)

Saw
Saw 2
Saw 3
(After that they just get stupid and you just want answers)
Feast
Descent
Slither
Ginger Snaps
August Undergrounds Mortum (fucking... just... yeah... just... fuck)
Shaun Of The Dead
Frailty

There are of course more great horror flicks and you're free to add some of your favorite via comments.

- Josh.

Shit in your hair.

2008-10-31T17:15:00.002-04:00

The demo sounds of Against Me!'s song "Shit Stroll" from their demo Vivada Vis rings in my ear as I humbly write this.

I had a panic attack last night, my first one in quite some time. I was at the cakewalk in our town when it happened. I was walking with Fro and Sam through the immense crowd of people. Crowds don't scare me, I like people. I like showcasing my assery whenever I get the chance, really... but when it's a crowd of people I know I feel different.

I freeze. I freak out. I start having trouble breathing. My breathing halts and white spots begin to appear in front of me. I lose my balance a bit, but nothing that anyone would notice. I curse indefinitely about how much "I fucking hate these people" before I retaliate away from the mental battle I conjure. I feel them staring even though I know they could give a fuck less about me and what I'm doing. I feel judged by complete strangers who I attempt to ignore. I give in.

Trick-Or-Treat: Costumes

2008-10-31T09:13:00.004-04:00

Trick-or-Treat was always something I dug as a kid, but then again.... almost every kid does too. For some reason our stupid fucking town gives these kids from five pm til' six-thirty pm to Trick-or-Treat. What the fuck? When I was a little kid it was from five pm til the creepy guy down the block starts offering you ice-cream and teddybears if you come inside for a few.

Is it the economy? Is it the perverts? Is it some religious thing? I don't know, but how did shit change this much in the mere seven years since I donned some type of costume and said the magic words that would provide you with diabetes and lack of sleep that evening.

I saw a few cool costumes, but just as many lame and un-original ones. There was this little girl who had a cardboard box around her with little puppies kind of stuck next to her in the box and on the front of the box it read in large, black letters "Free Puppies". Another kid was dressed up as the Holy Bible and he was handing out bible tracts.

For the most part there was just lame scream-masks and people with black face robes on. Pretty unoriginal shit. No zombies, no gory policemen (saw one regular kid dressed as a cop, I wanted to punch him in his prepubescent dick), it was basically blah with the exception of about ten to fifteen kids who looked cool and had some rad costumes.

Some more interesting things happened that day/night/evening, but this post was specific!!!

- Josh.

Geek.

2008-10-29T16:33:00.004-04:00

Some of you may have seen that my blog occasionally reflects things of a geekish or nerdish nature, well- it's because I'm a nerd. Genuinely.

I'm beyond nerd at this point, really. I don't play WoW anymore (I played for a while though,, when I lived in AZ. Undead Rogue FTW!), so I'm a nerd with downtime... a very dangerous thing.

I think you should be proud of who you are, not in a "White Pride- seig heil" sense, but an embracing sense that you don't deny who you are just because you think that it's lame or people would think differently of you.

Because it'd take too long to explain A LOT of the geeky shit I do, I figured I'd make a simple list (all nice things come in list forms. Breakup letters excluded):

1. I anticipated a translation an english translation patch for a GBA ROM. (It was Mother 3, which I beat a few days back. EPIC ending)

2. I've SEARCHED the internet for hours looking for that special copy of The Legend Of Zelda: A Link To The Past with the Chris Houlihan room that contained tons of rupees.

3. I constantly have my Google RSS feeder open in some window so I can read the newest updates from Wired.com and Filmschoolrejects.com, (an RSS feeder essentially makes it so you don't have to go straight to a website to see if they've updated stories and they just come to you. Kinda like someone sending you an e-mail of a newstory.

4. I listen to podcasts dedicated to video games and I have an RSS folder specifically FOR video game podcasts.

5. I pride myself on my saved episodes of The X-Files on my DvR.

6. I have Firebug extention on my Firefox so I can take and edit HTML to my liking.

7. I wrote my own symphony on Mario Paint (Not my video below, but a cool example of what Mario Paint was/is).

8. I've DOWNLOADED and LISTENED to an entire video game soundtrack... and liked it.

9. I've debated online about who shot first- Han or Greedo.

10. I've written a Final Fantasy 7 fanfic and felt bad about myself when it received poor reviews (no I'm not giving you that link. ever.)

I guess the point here is... be yourself. Many people here have read about my drunken escapades and bouts with various people of various authority positions... so why should you be afraid to let your geek flag fly.

Come on- be honest, we all got a LITTLE geek in us if we're reading this fucking blog.

- Josh.

What the fuck Tom Gabel?

2008-10-29T09:33:00.003-04:00

Tom Gabel is a pioneer and a hero to many people who enjoy folk-punk and equally a traitor to just as many. Personally, I've always dug him and a lot of the tunes that his band "Against Me!" has churned out. His new solo EP "Heart Breaks" furthers himself even farther from his deep punk roots that he seemingly abandoned with the release of "Against Me!'s" newest record "New Wave" on Sire records of last year.

The first two tracks from his EP (Random Hearts and Conceptual Paths) anger me like no other. They sound like Shwayze, no fucking lie. There's an 808 drum machine over his acoustic guitar and this saddens me. Whatever happened to screaming your lungs out about how much Starbucks sucks?

What happened to the unintelligible lyrics and the soulful input that everyone could feel even through a CD that set them apart from everyone else? What happened to the songs that could cause a riot as well as cause everyone to break down and fall apart on the dancefloor?

As Tom's EP continues, it DOES get better... but it all sounds like Billy Bragg meets Against Me! not just Against Me!'s lead singer doing his solo shit. Anna is a Stoolpigeon is probably the best track on here and the live bootleg (obviously found online) is probably than this album version.

I'm still a huge fan of Tom Gabel as well as Against Me!, but it bothers me how much they've shifted. I even enjoy their record "New Wave" but I hardly view it as an Against Me! record when you compare it to anything from "Reinventing Axl Rose". I don't know maybe I'm just being nuts, so I'll ask you. Listen to both of these songs (In video form) and you tell me what YOU think.

1. We Laugh At Danger (And Break All The Rules) from "Reinventing Axl Rose"

2. Stop! from "New Wave"

Anyone else see what I mean? They don't even sound the same at all. It's almost exactly what Greenday did and they were fucking SHUNNED by their old fans. I'm still a fan of Against Me! and I will continue to be... but I just wanna hear something unintelligible for a while.

Any opinion on this matter?

Sunday Afternoon

2008-10-26T15:41:00.002-04:00

3:42 on a Sunday afternoon.
The amount of hatred I feel for Sunday Afternoon's surpasses my hatred of shitty hip-hop and valley-girl-speak.

There is a complete lack of effort towards any Sunday, in my opinion.
The day is just fucking lame.
Everyone is bummed because they have work/school the following morning/evening and it's a day where most people just feel like laying around in the overly-enthralling boredom.

I question the validity and sanity of those fucking people who get up, go to Church and have a merry fucking day on a Sunday. It's just retarded. Fine, you believe in Jesus- would you like a cookie? No. No amount of Twin Peaks reruns can force me into a Church on a Sunday morning. I'd rather watch my grandmother undress and perform a burlesque show in front of me instead of attending Church.

I know it's not for everyone, but fuck that shit.
Fuck Sunday man, fuck Sunday.

- Josh.

Does The Nostalgia Actually Hold Up?

2008-10-20T12:49:00.002-04:00

If you're a 90's kid (I'll spare you the list as well as the cliches) then you PROBABLY remember the great Nick show "Are You Afraid Of The Dark?", it is truly the pinnacle of Children's Television.

If you've never heard of OR seen the show, then you don't know what you're missing out on. It's easily a children's' version of Tales From The Crypt. It's essentially a show about a group of kids called "The Midnight Society" who go to a fire pit and tell ghost stories. There are quite a few well-known actors and actresses who appeared or got their start on the show. Some of these include Ryan Gosling, Neve Campbell, Elisha Cuthbert, Jay Baruchel and Gilbert Gottfried.

I remember sitting at my grandmothers old home (before it got knocked over by a tree) and watching SNICK when an ad for it came on. I was like three at time, so I was never awake to really watch it, but when I was five I recall watching it for the first time. The first episode I watched was about a boy who's brother died after a bridge collapse as they were riding bikes and the brother was a ghost who haunted him.

The show was terrifying as a youth and I question whether it'll be just as good today or if I'm holding onto some archaic nostalgia. It's like a horror movie when you're little and then you watch it when you get older... it usually doesn't hold up. I'm hoping that the show is just as good as I remember it, because it's starting to air again tonight on The N (or some affiliated show) at 8:00PM. I guess they're just gonna re-air the old episodes... so get your DvR's ready :)

Mother 3 = Epic

2008-10-18T13:39:00.002-04:00

If you've never heard of the game "Earthbound" then this may mean very little to you. Earthbound was an console RPG released for the Super Nintendo in 1995 as a direct rehash/sequel of Mother 0, a game from Japan. The game is possibly one of the greatest console RPG's and should probably be considered socially significant.

The game was special because it was set in current time, not the future nor the past- how many RPG's were. Earthbound stood out in a world of Final Fantasy's, Seiken Denetsu's (Secret Of Mana's) and others. It had a happy nature about it. The characters felt real and amusing. They weren't overly-dramatic and the story wasn't dark as all hell, so even little kids could dig it.

One of the games creators stated in a interview that his main influence for creating the game was John Lennon. Knowing that Lennon is a primary influence for a video game about saving humanity went through my head many times after I read that interview.

Many gamers agree that Earthbound (or Mother 2 in Japan) is considered one of the classic console rpg's, it's made it's rank among some of the greatest games of all time and has sparked an INSANE fan-base across the world, Including tattoos.

While you can download a SNES emulator to play the game and the rom for it- it's still not as great as sitting in front of a TV at three in the morning and defeating Star Man Junior in the first 45 minutes.

Because of the renowned success of the game, a sequel was to be released for the Nintendo 64, but was eventually cancelled because they wanted to do things with the game that were too powerful for the 64, at the time.

In 2003 Mother 3 was announced for the Gameboy Advance... with no English port in the near future.

It was angering to hear that they weren't going to make an English port of it. I tried playing the Japanese rom after it came out... but I don't know Japanese... so I was fucked.

One day I came across the site mother3.fobby.net to find out that THEY were working on the English translation. Of course at that time they were just starting. They were only beginning hacking. This was... late 2007, if I recall correctly... but on the afternoon of October 18Th, 2008- the English patch was released.

It damn near made me orgasm where I sat when I loaded it up for the first time and saw everything in my native language. Earthbound was a game I fondly remember from my childhood, as fucked as that sounds. So when I now have the chance to play the long awaited sequel... it's a nice feeling.

Check out: http://mother3.fobby.net/

to find out how to play it.

(I'm aware that me posting this means that I will NEVER have sex with a female ever again.)

The Sounds Of Hymnal Voices

2008-10-11T17:49:00.004-04:00

Good evening.
As I sit here, I listen to my music recommendations as given by the site Last.fm
Currently, it's given me the song "No Face" by the great ska group The Suicide Machines.

Lately, I've been writing a lot.
Meaning.... since my last real post, I've been writing.
Not blogs so to speak, but actual stories.
I'm really digging them too.
The ebb and flow of the stories are rather unique, in my opinion.

Only one person has read more than "Losing Your Mind and Benefiting From It All" and it'll probably stay that way until I actually feel confident enough to release them upon the world!

I've kind of been stuck in my room working on those writings.
I've only left when it was crucial that I shower and look semi-decent to make an appearance upon the world.

(Now playing: "Let's Face It" By The Mighty Mighty Bosstones)

A quick breakdown of what I'm writing:

Certain people will know how aspects of it are parts of me. That first part "Losing Your Mind And Benefiting From It All" is rather viewed as the first chapter and not a full story. I think I like how I can implement certain things that I've said and done or rather wish I would've said or done. I see my these series of short-stories as my second chance to make some errors and wasted moments turn into something I'd care to remember and enjoy reading and/or writing.

(Now Playing: "So Lonely" by The Hippos)

I don't know. I enjoy it. If anyone else enjoys it and digs it- I'll be psyched.

So far, I have parts of it written, with a possible 8 - 10 at finish.

Have a good evening/day/morning everyone.

- Josh

'losing your mind and benefiting from it all'

2008-10-02T10:43:00.001-04:00

That nice title up above also shares the same title as my new short story.
It's something I spent a while working on the story itself.
It was fun, really.
It's also the reason I haven't really been posting on here.

Regardless, download it, tell me what you think :)

I'll probably have a mucho better version up soon though.

http://www.mediafire.com/?dhyxgzzudby

Fire Alarms and Mall Security.

2008-09-21T23:13:00.004-04:00

I was standing around at the park near 7 or so. There was nice, a slight chill to the air. Fro called and said he'd be there to pick me up for a few minutes, and that we'd be grabbing Charlie as well for milkshakes. I was standing by a large grouping of cars and people when Fro and Sam pulled up. I grabbed by back-seat position and started playing with a can of spray-on deodorant that was left there by charlie ever since The New York Trip. We pick up Sir Charles and we all talk and shoot the shit for the drive. It had been a week or so since I saw Charlie, few days since I'd seen Fro and less than a day since I'd seen Sam, but still.

We get to Niles and we get into the right-hand lane to turn into the plaza that leads to the Mall and all of the outlying stores, outlets, places, etc. As we're still going at about 10 miles an hour I say "Well, I'll see you guys at Steak and Shake" and I jump out of the car! I get my foot caught and Fro manages to run over two of my toes on my left foot. Fucking flip-flops. I still jump out of the car, tumble on the ground, get up- and start running as fast as I can. I look to my left and see them slowing down along the lane and turning and stopping, presumably waiting for me. I keep running. I run until I get to the Holiday Inn down the road. They see me and turn in, expecting me to get in the car. I run into the Holiday Inn, run up three or four flights of stairs, and then open a door that triggers a fire alarm- and then I run down the fire escape.

I keep running.

I get to a turn where it leads to the main portion of the plaza. I look behind me and still see them sitting there in the Holiday Inn parking lot. I run down this road and then run a nice half a block to the Steak and Shake. I get there, call Charlie- and then they show up.

After our awesome milk-shakes, we collectively decide to head to the mall for a bit. We walk inside and there are a fair amount of the overhead lights out. We still decide to keep walking. We walk around for a bit, and then we all skip for a while. This place is fucking empty, there is hardly anyone there, so who gives a fuck. Well, the Mall Security guard obviously did. He yells "Hey, stop it!", and we all stop. I look behind me, say "Fuck it." and keep skipping for most of the remaining mall-way. I get out of breath and wait for the others to catch up. The Mall Security guard is walking pretty intently over in my direction. I just stand there, looking at his faggy ass. He strides up to me and in a very hick-ish way goes "I told you to stop, what were you doing?", I go "Oh dude, I thought you said that the mall was closing and that we needed to leave.", he continues on and eventually tells me that if I ever "disobey orders" again, I'll be banned for life. I semi-laugh at him and then we just leave.

Fuck that Mall Security faggot. He can suck my tiny, white penis. I was SKIPPING. I wasn't talking to, harming, or annoying anyone (other than him), so he can fuck off. How daft can one person be? It's an empty mall and we were skipping to the exit. God I really hope someone just burns down his fucking house, because this fellow OBVIOUSLY lived with his mother. He was wearing what appeared to be a Mountie's hat and standard blues. He had three days of growth from his upper lip and a nice chubbiness that rivals my own. I could give a fuck less if I get banned from our shitty mall. Chapel Hill is much nicer and only like 20-30 minutes farther. I just think the guy is a total fucking moron. I was skipping through an empty mall- just because you have a life draining job doesn't mean you have to hate on skippers. I hope he gets raped by a band of skipping serial killers.

Cowards.

2008-09-17T20:51:00.004-04:00

Straight-edge is a way of life and a movement.
It's also a choice.

I respect bands like Minor Threat who helped start the movement- but it's not for everyone, and that's what these fucking moronic assholes from "The Courage Crew" need to understand.

If you've never heard of "The Courage Crew" it goes kinda like this. They're a militant straight-edge group who beat the living fuck out of people who smoke, drink, or do drugs. They usually brandish the X somewhere on their persons- casually the head.

It's the most fascistic thing I've ever heard of.

I'm appalled that people still do that shit. Big deal, I like to drink- I'm not bothering you so fuck off if you want to bring your violence this way. They beat the shit out of people for what purpose? None.

They attack people who enjoy having a good time their way because it's not what they think is best. I could understand these guys beating up some fucking drunk asshole who tried fighting them, but it's innocent people who are intoxicated. It's pointless!

You think you're teaching them a fucking lesson? Take your militant straight-edge bullshit and suck my hairy white balls.

Can there be a stupider movement? I'd rather hang around with a group of potheads than assholes like that who make it their sole mission to beat the shit out of generally peaceful people.

When was the last time you heard of some guy who smokes pot shooting up a school or raping a girl- never. Because it DOESN'T FUCKING HAPPEN.

These militant-straight-edge "Courage Crew" motherfuckers aren't any better than the Nazi's. Beating the fuck out of innocent people.

Is there a fair argument FOR the "Courage Crew", which I think their methods are simply the most cowards bullshit I've ever heard of.

Fuck you, and your violence. They lost control of the original message. Ian Mackaye (from Minor Threat) refused to play shows where violence was, and if anyone ever got hurt he'd stop and help a person- there was no shitty moshpits- yet 20 years later we have asshole straight-edge kids who beat the fuck out of someone who likes to drink.

Shut the fuck up. You're not a real straight-edge kid, you're just a fucking coward motherfucker. If you're gonna be straight-edge, be straight-edge... don't be an asshole.

- Josh.

"Are you passing out? No, okay- go"

2008-09-15T15:58:00.004-04:00

America's health care system sucks.
Straight up.

It's not even the government anymore, it's just asshole, lazy doctors that fucking ruined it for me.

I had my physical for McDonalds today, which I didn't care- I knew it was part of the procedure and I didn't really mind. BUT I had a physical like three months ago and the cock-munch director of medicine goes "Yeah, usually it's a year before you need to get a physical for your work permit... but it's against MY policy... so you're gonna have to come back in for a physical if you want us to sign off on your sheet.", so that kinda pissed me off.

Still, it was a rule- I didn't care.

So I go into the lobby and I wait around. There's shitty diagrams and warning all over the walls and a group of ladies chattering about baby's daddies (I'm not lying, or kidding there). So I wait for a good 20 minutes until these two kids come in (though kid could be argued, they were like 14) with a toad. There's an instant freakout and everyone is yelling and stuff. The kids' mom comes out of the exam room and the kids run out of the place as this family is walking in. Seeing as I'm already standing around awkwardly, I hold the door open for the family coming in.

As I'm forced to listen to their mindless jabber of "how does' snakes' be unholy!", the nurse thankfully whisks me away with "Joshua?", and I'm off to the exam room. I talk to my nurse for a bit as she weighs me and looks at me to write down my sheet. She finishes her end and goes "Alright, well- the doctor will be here to see you in a few minutes.", so I get bored. After a half hour passes I call Cameron and go "If you never hear from me again- it means that I've killed my fucking doctor." and I hang up.

About 30 seconds after I hang up, student doctor "Katie" walks in to administer my physical. She goes through the normal stuff of blood pressure, heart-rate, etc... then she administers the question portion.

"Do you smoke?"

"Nope"

"Do you drink?"

"Define drink"

"I don't know, ummm.. the past two weeks"

"Then no"

"Well when was the last time you drank?"

"Three weeks ago."

"Can I pretend you didn't say that so I can still have your work permit filled out?"

"Please do."

"Okay, do you do drugs?"

"What would you define as a drug?"

"Pot, Pills, you know."

(She stares at me like she knows I'm a fucking pill-popper, but I decide against not having my permit filled out.)

"Not at all, I thought you meant caffeine, or something like that."

She finished the rest of the questions and left the room. I could tell that she knew I was fucking weird. She saw the Against Me! t-shirt on and her cute freckled face knew at that point that I would drink with her after work and do tons of Xanex with her.

After another 30 minutes, my doctor "Keith" comes in and goes- alright, you can go- pick your permit up at the front desk on your way out. Katie and I say goodbye to eachother and I happily leave that hellhole. As I'm walking out, "Keith" comes up and goes "Oh, I forgot- are you having any medical problems?", I go "Not at all." then he asks "So you're not really having things where you just pass out? hmmm... okay- go ahead.", what the fuck?

I fucking HATED it.

I'd like to see Katie again though.

- Josh.

Later, Oklahoma.

2008-09-14T14:15:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was pretty much lame and depressing, but I did get to hang out with Cameron for a little bit.

He and I went to the mall and then went to see his dad at the strike. His dad works at Thomas Steel which is on union strike right now.

So after I bought some new flip-flops at Old Navy, he and I headed out towards that way. After I went back to the truck and talked to the grandparents (I left my phone in the truck), I had some fun.

They had corporate suits out there in a large white van. There was a skinny guy wearing cowboy boots and a black suit, and a fat guy wearing a suit shirt and pants. I started having fun yelling obscenities at the pair of guys who were against the strike, working for the corporate end of Thomas steel. I yelled everything, in front of Cameron's dad at that:

"Hey Oklahoma (the skinny guy) take your dick out the other guys ass and stop recording me!"

"Was it weird when you joined Al-Queda as an American?"

"Do you enjoy your job? Draining America's hard-working persons for the financial gain of people who REALLY don't need the money?"

"I'm gonna burn down your fucking house!"

"I bet you like David Bowie- I bet the fat man is Freddie Mercury, I heard they fucked!"

And just various other things. Cameron and I walked into the tent next to the strikers and there was a cat there. Cameron asked who's it was, and one of the guys from the strike said it's name is "Strike Kitty" and it just showed up one day.

The cat and I started playing. It scratched me like 50 times, painfully.

Eventually we left, and that was pretty much the only noteworthy part of yesterday.

- Josh

Here we are again.

2008-09-14T00:37:00.002-04:00

Here comes another Saturday night, ready to leave.
As this boring night ends, I kinda like to think about how plans never really seem to work out.

It seems like at least one person bails out of a plan and kinda fucks with the logistics of it. It's weird, even something as simple and silly as drinking- usually 1 or 2 members from a group I'm associated with will bail out. Go figure.

Tonight we talked about getting hammered, which never really came to fruition. Monica said to give her a call, which I tried with no prevail. I also tried with Fro, who said he wasn't really digging the idea now.

It's whatever though.

You move on and find other things to amuse yourself.
If that doesn't happen, then you go to your basement and make a shot 3/4 whiskey and 1/4 nyquil and begin to chill.

I don't really blame ANYONE who bails out of plans, I usually blame myself.
It's some weird inferiority complex that I don't think I'll ever get rid of.

1. I just don't blame anyone who doesn't want to hang out with me, because I don't think I'd enjoy hanging out with me.

2. I have an insane anxiety and guilt complex. It's horrible, I'm always worried about if my friends are actually my friends.

Maybe I shouldn't be writing right now.

Fuck it, fuck it deck.

- Josh

Second Draft

2008-09-08T08:51:00.003-04:00

I know I haven't really posted in a few days- and it's mostly because nothing interesting has really happened. The past few days I've kinda just been kicking it around the house and hanging out with my usual friends.

I have a new project though- every day (starting yesterday) I see Fro- something random will be placed in his car. Yesterday is was a Taco Bell tray- today, I have it ready- and it'll be interesting.

This weekend- not too much I don't think. Possible consumption of illicit substances, otherwise- same old same old. My "new" blog "The Analog Clarity" will hopefully start with some full reviews soon.

I've got a list of records to listen to, but since school is back in- it's hard to find the time away from Super Nintendo Video Games and my examination of my own used prophylactics to actually do anything worthwhile.

Something interesting!

I have this mini-USB drive that I stored all of my stencils, pictures, drawings, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, all of my writings. Every short story I've ever came up with. Every movie outline I've ever conjured. Every idea I've ever fucking had is on the USB drive... and the drive died on me. Everything is lost. Everything. Not just one or two things... EVERYTHING. and ENTIRE fucking script is gone. A script that I was hoping would be my first film, is down the shitter. It's fine though. I really liked the story I came up with though. It was... different, it was me. Oh well. Maybe I'll just consider this a second draft.

- Josh.

Simple Logic!

2008-09-05T13:14:00.002-04:00

http://simplelogicreviews.blogspot.com/2008/09/simple-logic-cause-and-purpose.html

!!!

"I'm an undercover cop" Pt. 2

2008-09-05T08:49:00.002-04:00

This is the second part to my previous post in which I had a 20 yr. old arrested for assault and impersonating an officer. If you haven't read it, go ahead and read it here.

At about 8:30 or so the same night I was walking through the park with Robert Bacon and Sam. We were just hanging out, talking. As we were walking past the rest-rooms, I see Nate running from the pavilion with this girl I know named Kara. They're running quite quickly, and I see them head down to the park. I make a call to Cameron, then I run down to the other end of the park, towards where Nate just ran, but I run over to the parking lot. I see Brent and tell him to look behind me (I was facing the direction against Nate, so he couldn't tell that Brent was looking at him). Brent sees him, and then Nate disappears. After about five minutes, Cameron shows up with a truck of people. I spot Nate back towards to rest-rooms, so we head that way. I'm heading this group with Dom and Tommy, and I look back and we have a group larger than the last time, We have about 30 angry kids. The second we get up near the rest-rooms and stuff, 3 carsful of our supporters show up- and then Dom brings something to my attention- he and a few other people distinctly heard Nate go "I'll be back up here at 9- swingin' at anyone", which I told everyone I wasn't going to fight a single person. We spot his car in the parking lot, and after I see the front view- it's undoubtedly his.

We all kinda hang out for about 20 minutes or so- then I call a friend who has Kara's number. I get Kara's number, block it- and then Brent speaks to Nate over the phone. He tells Nate that we're waiting and this stuff, it was horrible. After tons of people are just talking shit about how "They're gonna destroy him", I see him. He's talking to a group of people holding this large book-like thing. It looks like a petition, because he's stopping everyone and asking them to sign... so that was my main concern. As he runs to his car with Kara, avoiding all of our group- people just yell at him. They call him "a fucking bitch", "fucking faggot", "you don't push one of our friends around and not get kicked in", it was weird stuff man. All of these people concerned over the fact that I got pushed, haha. I didn't even really care- I got him arrested, my fun was done.

It gets better though, don't worry.

When Nate bailed out, Steven told us that he knows where Nate lives. Yeah, you know where this is going. Cameron, Dom, Ryan and I drive by and see his car, and that it's Nate's house. After that, we go back to the park and we have three car-loads of people ready. As we drive by, people shout obscenities, in which Nate's father walks out of this house. For some reason, we're stopped at the sign- while the dad is coming out of the house staring at us, so I say "FUCK THIS", and I jump out and start running. I make it out to Warren Ravenna road in RECORD time and Steven drives by with Dom shouting "Get the fuck in man", I get in and Steven goes "What the fuck, no offense- but for a big guy, you can fucking run!", and then we head back to the park. We slowly unwind, and then I just head out towards home.

It was a pretty interesting day, to say the least. I'm amazed at how angry people are though. I only went with them because I was curious and I wanted to document it all. I just can't see what makes people so angry at a guy who pushes some minor. Sure, the guy was a fucking moron... but it wasn't that big of a deal, not to me at least. Regardless, I will continue to put myself in these situations because it makes interesting writings.

- Josh.

"I'm an undercover cop" Pt. 1

2008-09-04T08:50:00.006-04:00

So, at an unusual circumstance... I got someone arrested.

That's right, my anti-authoritarian, Against Me! loving ass got someone arrested.

I was on my way to the park, and as I'm crossing the street- a gray car pulls into the EXIT side of the park and begins to go through. The closer I get, I hear Rusty (AKA: you don't fuck with Rusty) yelling at the top of his lungs yelling "GET BACK HERE MOTHERFUCKER". When I ask what happened, that gray car seemed to almost collide with Rusty as he drove through the "ENTER" side and as he almost collided- the guy flipped fof Rusty. A littler later, as we're all hanging out at the picnic tables closest to the playground portion of the park, the cops show up (though not surprisingly). When the cops arrive, the guy who almost hit Rusty, (Nate) walks around the side of the concession stand towards the cop car. Nate talks to the cop for about ten minutes before the cops drive away.

Before I go much farther- it must be explained that this fellow Nate has fucked with people for quite a while. He tells people he's an undercover cop and always calls and tips the cops up on us at the skatepark for not having helmets and such. Even people at the table were remarking on how he's claimed to be a cop. This guy is about 20, he's OBVIOUSLY not a fucking cop.

Back to the story; as Nate walks back the way he came, we all start calling him a "NARC" and telling him to "Fuck Off" or "Go Home!". He hears our group of 25 people (no lie) and walks over towards our picnic table. He says "Alright, which one of you wants to say shit to my fucking face?!", I look over at Rusty who is just smoking- and then I step up. I take a few steps towards him, IN THE LEAST AGGRESSIVE MANNER YOU WOULD EVER FUCKING SEE, and he points to me and angrily goes "YOU! GET OVER HERE!", I walk over to him and put my hands up, not in an offensive or defensive way- just my hands by my head. The rage in his eyes is beyond anything I'd ever seen in my entire life. He looks and yells "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE TO SAY?", I don't really say anything- but I see the anger growing in him, so I smirk a little. He grabs my wrists and pushes me back a good three or four feet. Now I have fun, I yell in his face "YOU JUST HIT A MINOR, I'M 17! NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!", directly after this- he starts looking shocked, but not scared- so Shay gets in his face and screams about he's an ignorant fuck for hitting a minor and how he can hit her and she'll hit him back and kick his ass. He gives her the finger and walks away while everyone yells at him. I ask the crowd if I should call the cops and they go "Fuck yes, he fucking assaulted you.", I ask Rusty and even Rusty approves- so I make the call. They ask the specifics- and then we wait. We see the cops on the other end of the park and then we all run up to that direction.

When we get there, the cop asks us what happened and we all tell him. I start getting in Nate's face, and then we tell the cop about Nate claiming to be a cop and cop looked like he even wanted to beat the fuck out of the guy. Nate all of a sudden goes "YOU GUYS TRIED SELLING MY NEPHEW COCAINE!", I go "What the fuck is your problem? Like anyone here really sells cocaine to little kids.", and the cop essentially lets us argue. We bitch at each other and then the cops take statements from Chris Molina, Rusty and Myself. We give them statements and then we watch as they handcuff and arrest him.

After this, we all stand and talk shit about the situation. I didn't want to hit the guy because I want him to feel some long-term pain for this shit. I'm not a spiteful person, but you just SHOULDN'T impersonate a police officer under ANY circumstance for ANY reason, EVER. The fucking guy just didn't get the hint somehow. I feel bad because something bad will probably happen to him, but he should man the fuck up and not be such a douche-nozzle.

- Josh.

Insane Irony

2008-09-02T00:03:00.002-04:00

Sometimes, there exists an ironic moment so aptly put, that it can excite, scare, and piss you off. That such moment happened yesterday afternoon.

To fully appreciate the irony of this post, it would be rather wise to go back and read this post.

I spent a nice portion of yesterday afternoon walking around the town with Dustin Underwood (who has been named in two or three previous blogs). We kinda just shared a mutual boredom and talked about everything. Music, Life, Social-State, Hitchhiking, etc... well, while we were sitting underneath a tree at the park talking about music, I got a call from my house. I answered it figuring I'd be getting bitched at for something silly, but no. My grandmother told me that McDonalds called and they wanted to schedule an interview with me. I told my grandmother I'd come home and call them, and then I hung up.

What the fuck man. I haven't even put in an application in two or three months up there. Not only am I surprised (and confused) about that, I'm also angry.

I'm angry because I could probably use a job, but I really hate the idea of swallowing the big of a nut and going to work at that fucking place. It's hard to for me to say. I despise the idea of working for a corporation that I so deeply despise... but I guess I can always follow Dustin's advice that he gave me, he said "You can always quit. Just remember that, it's easy to forget that you can quit.", which is true.

So here I sit. I have an interview in an hour at McDonalds. If I don't get this job, I'll be bummed... but I won't be TOO angry. I think the fact that I'm getting a callback has at least rekindled my interest in attempting to get a job.

Well, here I am. I'm back from the interview. It actually went well, I must say. They want me back for a second interview tomorrow evening. They asked me to bring in a copy of my ID and Social Security card. Which is awesome, Because I lost my wallet!

- Josh

Do they just hire failures?

2008-09-01T10:53:00.002-04:00

You know, maybe I'm sore because I don't have a job in the booming fast-food enterprises... but I (for some reason) think that the majority of people hired into fast-food joints are complete failures.

I've applied various times at different McDonald's, Arby's, and Subways with no prevail, and so have people I know. The people I know who have applied are probably more qualified than me- but they never get the job either. Most of the time the job is given to some fucking useless, drug ridden, ICP Freak asshole.

Do this sometime. Walk into your closest or more local fast food restaurant. Once you're in there, just look behind the counter. Do you see honest, respecting, friendly, welcoming citizens most of the time?

Fuck no you don't.

You see assholes wearing their McDonalds shirt open, with a dirty wife-beater and four days of growth on their face. It's fucking disgusting. It seems that there is a rather insidious plot to this bullshit.

They hire fucknuggets (more often than not, because I DO know a few people who deserve the jobs that they have) who will probably get caught stealing from the register and blow the majority of their paycheck on the newest pot-strain that has surfaced around town.

Get those scrubby motherfuckers away from my food.

- Josh.

"I feel like I should be wearing a wife-beater"

2008-08-31T10:40:00.003-04:00

As I write this I see Cameron and Charlie acting like drunken morons and Fro is standing up playing drums. As this is being written, I have so far ingested a nice amount of 80 proof whiskey and a bottle of Southern Comfort.

^ That was written last night in a fairly drunken haze. I BARELY remember writing that after Cameron made me find him good porn.

I'll start from the beginning.

Dustin Underwood is kind of a local legend, and when he comes into town (he moved up to NY) it creates a mite of an uproar with those who have been there and met the guy. Well, he came into town to visit the other day. I got drunk with him, George and Monica (which you can read here).

When Dustin told Fro about a set he was playing with Tino at Fryfest I was pretty psyched.

Fro said he'd take me up there with him, and I ended up getting ahold of George (and his girlfriend/my good friend Lauren), and they followed behind us to this "Fryfest" that I had no idea of what to expect. We get to what just looks like someones house party. Fro goes ahead after I act hesitantly to the idea of all of these drunken hillbillys. It turns out to be right. As we're walking to the back-yard, Lauren goes "I don't feel right here. I think I should be wearing a wife-beater to fit it"... and she wasn't far off. I was KIND OF scared at first, but after Tino handed me a bottle of Old Crow and told me to drink it- I got nice, and then I gave it to George- which kinda settled everyone down and made me nice and happy for a while. Dustin and Tino played a few songs before a string broke on Tino's guitar and they stood around and talked to everyone for a while. There were TONS of people there. After a while, Lauren got bored and left (which I can't blame her, as much fun as I had- she had to drive home and stuff). George came back to the party, but then bailed out of nowhere. We had our own kinda seperate group associated with the band over on the one side- and whenever someone new (but familiar to someone in group) joined- they'd have to take a drink of the Old Crow. Most people who drank only killed a swig or so. When Matt showed up, we essentially took over the bottle of Old Crow. I mean- Dustin (who was pretty much already in the can) and Tino would drink, and as did new members- but the rest of the time it was me and Matt finishing it. After Fro and I noticed stuff kinda winding down and Dustin fighting Tino (though playfully), we headed out. While we were still there, I heard some pretty interesting stories. Just funny stuff. Fro told me about the last time he was here for FryFest and that Tino passed out on this giant wheel that was just randomly laying around.

Before we left, I found another party. Coops'. We went there, it was mellow and just some beer pong being played. We hung out for a bit, then went over to Charlie's and got him (while I plated FPS's buzzed). We left Charlies, got ahold of George and decided to find a place to drink and chill for the night. I called Cameron and he said we could chill at his house after he got back from Stomping Grounds (it's a skatepark a town or two away). I didn't really tell Cameron we planned on drinking at his house though.

We go to Convient Mart and buy some alcohol (Southern Comfort and Vodka). We drive and wait for Cameron. I call George and he isn't picking up his phone, so we're assuming that he probably just fell asleep or found something else to do- nothing anyone in our group of three would've probably opposed.

Eventually, Cameron calls. We come to his house with the alcohol (we leave the Vodka in the car), and he doesn't see it at first and goes "Oh, okay- I thought you guys had alcohol for a second" and I go "we do, just one bottle". We get situated and start drinking. We're all just feeling nice and silly.

Being my typical never-stop-drinking-once-you-start self, I go grab the Vodka after the Southern Comfort is gone and we do two shots of it before calling it over.

The rest of the night, we all kinda just hang out and have fun.

I really dug yesterday. I just enjoyed FryFest more than anything. I loved the vibe of everyone and just hearing all of these intense, funny stories that people would tell me.

Dog Hair In The Shot Glass

2008-08-28T12:02:00.003-04:00

For the time being- I'm barely here.
I'm barely awake that is.

I REALLY want to be able to just walk over to my bed and pass out... but I can't. It's 12:06 PM right now. I'm running on mental fumes.

I think I'm here to explain last night or everything that's coming to me at least.

Around 7 yesterday evening, I got a call from Monica asking if I wanted to hang out with her and Dustin (Dustin is pretty much a legend around the Newton Falls area, along with Fro and a few others). I of course agreed, and she said she'd give me a call after she got out of work at 10 or so.

Around 10:15 she called and said she'd be over shortly to get me, she just wanted to change and stuff. Five minutes after that phone call, as I'm brushing my teeth- I get a phone call from George. He answers in his casual fashion "Hey dude what's up?" as if I called him. We talk for a minute or so and he tells me he's coming to hang with us tonight, which got me even further psyched up.

Monica comes and gets me about ten minutes later. We sit outside of George's for ten minutes, waiting for his ass to finish doing whatever the fuck he was doing (though he likes to claim he was finishing to listen to a TMV song, bullshit). After he get him, we go searching for Dustin. He's living on E. River- which is a lengthy country road that stretches a nice bit out of town. After Dustin is found, it is wondered aloud of what we will be doing... which no one bothered to decide. We decide on Perkins, even though Dustin had been there like and hour before.

We sit around Perkins catching up, joking, talking, hanging out... before we decide to just consume some alcohol.

We head back to Dustin's so he can grab his ID and such. We pick up some Dr. Pepper and Southern Comfort. We head to Monica's, put on some music and drink. After the bottle of SoCo starts to die- it becomes the AIM to drink more. Everyone agrees on a case of Heineken. Monica and Dustin head out for that while George and I sit back at Monica's.

While George and I are just sitting there, he just randomly drops a bombshell- he got a fucking iPhone. He was just talking to me and he goes "Oh fuck- you know what I just totally forgot about?" and he pulls it out. How can you not mention that you just got an iPhone earlier that day... what a terrible, terrible hipster.

After about five minutes, George and I decide to finish off that SoCo. We did two double-shots with it, while he picked two extremely long hairs out of his glass. They didn't even look human, they were gray and shit. Who knows. After that one, he and I did another half shot to kill out the bottle.

Around ten or twenty minutes later, Dustin and Monica show up empty-handed. It's past the legal time to sell alcohol. SO- George mentions that his sister owns a bar right down the street, which Dustin goes to and purchases two 12 packs. We break out the Heineken and just hang around. I don't even finish my first beer, because it isn't sitting all that well on my stomach. I decide that I'm done and I just hang out. Fro calls me back at 2:30 or so and we all (drunkenly) yell at him for a few minutes via speakerphone about how he needs to quit his job so he can hang out more.

Around 3:30, we all kinda start to crash over various spots in Monica's apartment. I have to leave early in the morning, so I set my alarm for 6:00AM. I barely manage to sleep an hour, when I hear my phone going off. I get up, tell Monica I'll walk- and that she doesn't have to drive me, and then I bail.

I walk out, and it feels amazing. It feels like 65 and there's still a slight mist coming down from all the rain over the past day or so. I slip as I walk out the door, and land on my ass pretty hard. I get up and keep walking. As I approach the underpass, the rain just starts coming down in sheets. I have a nice walk ahead of me, so I just enjoy the rain.

I take my time on the walk and just enjoy everything. I enjoy the night I just had. I enjoy the 45 minutes of sleep I got. I enjoy going home to do my bum schoolwork. I enjoy the air.

Eventually, I make it home. I sit on the porch for a while- soaked and shivering, before I decide to go inside.

I change and sit around a while, before my grandfather comes in and yells at me for never coming home. I apologize, tell him it'll never happen again- and go back to my business. You could tell he didn't really care, he was only doing it because my grandmother was bitching, and he could probably smell the alcohol on my breath... but he didn't say anything, nor did he say anything to my grandmother about it.

Personally... I really dug that night. It wasn't the funnest night, but it was just a night of solidarity. Something I've forgot about.

Cheers!

- Josh.

Relapse

2008-08-25T23:42:00.004-04:00

As my return to my blog- I figured I'd talk about something recent. Something... VERY recent. A relapse actually.

For those who don't know I used to have a bit of an addiction to pills. I kinda deny it for the most part, because I don't like thinking about it. I mean, if someone asks- I'll tell them I did, but if it's my choice then I won't say a single word about it.

The ways the pills made me feel were off the ceiling. I loved the feeling, and I still do. They made me feel blissful, but not numb. They made me unconscious, but aware of everything. I was carefree, nice to people, and just cool in general.

It's an amazing feeling, but I can't really recommend it to anyone. The shit will waste your money with fake delusions of happiness and keep your brain foggy and disassociated.

With that said, I feel the need to tell you THIS story:

It was last Thursday night (unless I'm wrong), and I just wasn't feeling too hot at all. I felt pretty shitty about a whole lot, and so I decided that I'd try and get some pills. I talked to my one friend (who won't be named for obvious reasons), who agreed to sell me two 357 MG Hydrocodones. I met him at the park, bought the pills and then went home.

I quartered one of the pills and then sat there staring at the crushed pill- questioning if I should do this or not. I got my dollar bill rolled and snorted two lines. It felt amazing. It felt awesome to just be able to feel human again. Shortly after snorting it- I felt it. I felt the odd, wonderful happiness that it brought.

I sat there and just felt whole again.

The next day- I snorted another quarter and took the other half of the pill. Once again- it felt amazing, and I was in a comfortable, happy mood that entire day- with everyone I met.

The next day- I just said fuck it and just swallowed the other pill. I didn't bother trying to make it last, I didn't really care.

I'm happy I did that now. Even though the following day was FUCKING TORTURE because my body was hating me for doing it- and giving me these intense withdrawl headaches. Of course I lived through it, because here I am now. The headaches weren't THAT bad- but they were still really fucking intense.

Even today, I considered buying pills again... but instead, I bought an ice-cream cone. Just as good. I'm happy I did those pills, just to make me realize that all that pain the day after REALLY isn't worth the few hours of happiness.

Now... I just need to find something "real" to make me happy.

Good fucking luck, I guess.

- Josh

Where'd I Go?

2008-08-25T10:41:00.002-04:00

Good morning (afternoon or evening),

So- I'm sitting here on Monday the 25th, and I just realized that it's almost been ten days since I've made a post.

A nice bit of stuff has happened in between that time:

Perkins trips with Fro and Charlie, which involved a failure story from Fro.
Lame parties
Road rage on Fro's behalf.
Assholes at skateparks.
Skateparks trips across Northeastern Ohio.
A family barbecue in which I made myself even more alienated from my family.
A relapse
and more

I just don't know if I'll ever get to writing about all/any that. It's just stuff that I feel is better cemented in my brain- but at the same time, I really wanna tell people about a few of them. I guess all I can do is take it easy, and if I get the initiative to write it- then I will.

I like how he presented his dick.

2008-08-16T10:30:00.004-04:00

Good afternoon friends.

I'd like to tell you all a story about something that happened the other night, when I went swimming at 1:00AM with a few friends in 50 degree weather.

It was Friday night, a quite boring Friday night at that. I talked to Fro a bit about hitting up some Perkins, but we had no prevail with anyone who wanted to join us- so I talked to my friend Charlie who wanted some people to come over and night swim at his new pad.

After Fro said he was down, I talked to Charlie who went "Dude, I don't know- it's cold", but I told him to man up and that we'd be there eventually.

After Fro and I got lost- we eventually got some help finding the house after we decided that it'd be best to call Charlie. We got to his house, and it was really fucking nice!

When Fro and I got in, Chris Wallum and Charlie were playing FIFA- bitching at each other about how the other was a pussy.

After their game, we decided to hit up the pool. It was like 50 degrees out and we were all in our bathing suits. We all kinda stood around and then out of nowhere, Chris just runs and jumps into the pool. Followed by Charlie and I- while Fro looked scared and cold- and jumped in anyways.

When I looked up, I saw what looked like a geekier version of Billy Corgan that turned out to be Fro. We spent the next hour or so freezing our balls off in the pool, while Fro shook like a well-beaten puppy. We also spent most of it pulling our dicks out to play "the dick showing game", an old past-time.

Eventually- we decided that the party was over, and we waited out in the cold for towels from Charlie (Fro brought his own though, cock). After drying and changing- Fro and I hit the road.

He stopped at Circle K before taking me home. I got home around 2:45 or so and went straight to bed.

It was a fun night, but Jesus Christ- there was SO much manmeat and possible hypothermia involved with that night. We basically froze to death, and when I woke up the following morning I had a massive headcold.

All in all- it was cool, but I refuse to ever go swimming in that weather again.

- Josh.

How did an hour and a half of my life disappear?

2008-08-14T22:40:00.003-04:00

Good evening everyone.

Earlier this evening I had an odd experience.
I literally lost an hour and a half of my life.

I shall explain.

Earlier this evening, around 9PM or so- I ended up at the skatepark with Cameron and Trent. They left to go to Matt's house and see him- so I decided to hang out around the skatepark and watch Joe get pissed from a manual to heel.

After Joe left I started walking towards Dairy Queen. Along the way, I called my grandmother- the time was 9:15PM when I called, and asked her not to lock the doors because I had forgotten my keys.

The next thing I remember is standing outside of someones home in the Projects. I remember everything about that place rather vividly. It was an ugly-as-fuck blue, with a weird little bench in the front yard. No fencing, no canopy above their platform inside.

Inside, I remember crappy floorboards that creaked. I don't remember any names or faces inside of there.

Next thing I remember... Pat Nemet yelling "HEY" to me. I stood there, perplexed. I said "Hello" back to him. He asked if I wanted a ride and I said something like "The thing is, I'm not sure where I'm going in what direction", to which he said "Are you high?", and I replied "Maybe a little, I don't know", I kept walking and he yelled "Do you want a cigarette?" I said "No thank you" and I kept walking. I remember looking at my phone and seeing 10:31PM.

What happened to that hour and fifteen minutes of my life?

Did I do drugs? Did I drink? Did I get gangraped for a pine scented air-freshener? I may never know, but I think Pat Nemet thinks I'm a drug addict. haha.

- Josh

Can't Beat The Feelin'

2008-08-14T11:18:00.002-04:00

Good (early) afternoon,

So last night- around 2:50 or something, I was eating Cup-O-Noodles while watching American Beauty when I decided to come back to the computer and see what was shaking on my AIM screen. I had two IM's from Monica- after I said hello back and stuff she asked if I wanted to take a drive or something, seeing as I had very few plans- I said yes.

After she went to the wrong house (the one on the opposite side of the Funeral Home), her and I kinda just drove around. It felt nice to just talk, you dig? We kinda just drove around for and hour and a half randomly talking and listening to the "Juno" soundtrack.

It's kinda cool when an opportunity presents itself to have no planning, and just to relax and take a nice drive. We just talked about tons of random shit. Then she made me listen to her new apartment. She lives like... 20 yards from a waterfall, and it's the most amazing sound in the universe.

At nearly 5, she gave me a ride home. To which, I shut down my computer and continued to watch "American Beauty". Personally, I had a lot of fun. It was probably more fun than most of the "real" trips I've taken lately.

- Josh

Whoever stole the chain is my hero.

2008-08-13T20:55:00.002-04:00

Today was a semi-monumental day at our local skatepark.
A day in which the police actually took a bit of initiative towards their rules.

It was as casual and boring as any day.
I was inside of the skatepark when the foot-patrol officer (Officer Baily. AKA: Hot-Cop) started walking up the path in the direction of the skatepark. Most of us were familiar with Officer Baily, so we thought little of it- because she wasn't know to us as a nazi-cop who would kick us out of the skatepark.

As she approached, many people left the skatepark. Fro and I- didn't. We kept hanging around there, because I figured she wouldn't care. After she got near she called out "Are you guys gonna get out or not?", seeing this as a sign of her yelling at us... we left. As we walked out she scolded us and three other skaters who we knew, but weren't from town.

We walked over to the benches and progressed to sit around. Joe and DK showed up, and a nice group ended up back over at the skatepark- when another cop showed up.

He kinda sped through and hit the brakes rather quickly, attempting to scare us- even though we kinda ignored him and walked outside. When we were standing outside he yelled at us and said "How many times do we have to tell you- stop going in there without a helmet! We're gonna start locking it up, so it's about time you guys bought a helmet". While we were walking to a small set of benches shrouded by some trees, I said to Joe "Is this Poland in 1944?", to which he laughed and said yes.

After that cop talked to the foot-patrol officer, I kinda just walked back and sat in front of the skatepark. After a minute or two, two bikers came in and I saw the foot-patrol officer staring at us nearly two baseball fields away.

I walked over to the benches shrouded by the trees as Casey and Trevor were walking towards the skatepark. I told them not to go and Casey (in her indomitable fashion) said "No it's fine, Officer Baily doesn't care, I know her. My grandpa was a cop", and she just made herself sound so pretentious and retarded.

While they were inside, we saw the cop coming back. As Casey and Trevor came back, I called them both retards and made everyone clap and thank them all for getting the skatepark locked for the day, which most people did clap.

The one officer returned in his squad car- and saw that the lock and chain were missing from the door, so he kinda just sat there. After another cop car pulled up, we all went and sat in front of the skatepark- holding a nice little protest against the helmet rule.

If you've never been to, or seen our skatepark- it's a piece of shit. It really is. The thing is so janky and underfunded that it's slowly collapsing over time. Although we have the shittiest park you'll ever see- they still have a rule set. On it- they mention everything fun is pretty much banned, and that helmets are mandatory- but "Skate at your own Risk" is written atop of it all.

One day, I asked a cop about all of it, and he said he didn't even understand the rule. He said that no one could get injured and sue the city- so the rule was just a bunch of bullshit anyways.

Why do we have stupid ass rules and stupid ass laws that don't really protect or help ANYONE?

- Josh

Notes from NYC Pt 3: The Day We Departed

2008-08-13T00:50:00.000-04:00

This will be the final post in "Notes from NYC", so I hope you've enjoyed them. They've been fun to write, and remember- as well as a few things I'd prefer not to remember. On this final day we went to the movies, ate some intense food, and I lost my shit... read on.

We all woke up around 9:45 - 10:00 directly, and took some stuff out to Fro's car. After we came back in, we sat around and talked to Amber and her mother and sisters for a bit. Amber had warned us the previous night that her grandfather (whom she didn't like) would be visiting, and that I should watch myself because he's a sarcastic, rude, asshole... I saw this as a challenge.

After we all showered and just sat around- her grandparents showed up. They walked upstairs and her grandfather went "Amber's home, and she brought back three guys with her", to which we all humored him by laughing at his shitty joke. Everyone sat down, and I kinda started trading sarcastic wit back and forth with the grandfather. We could probably match ourselves when he's on a shitty day and I'm on a good one. He asked if we were having fun, how we liked the city, etc... and then Amber mentioned that I still had to make her banana pancakes.

I went into the kitchen and started making the stuff, when I saw how uncomfortable Fro and Charlie looked sitting there quietly, so I told them to come in and assist in the production of the food. After overdoing some pancakes and just making a mess, we finally ate. Soon after we digested, it was time to find something to do for the day. We decided to go see Pineapple Express, but we needed to stop at Goodwill first (Fro brought two pairs of shorts to NY with him, and the one pair smelled like shit). We went in, and Fro found a set of dress blues, that we made him buy- while I found their local soccer team's jersey.

We kinda just drove around until we got ahold of Amber and her mother, so they could help us find the theater. When we found the theater Fro changed into his dress blues, looking quite silly- which (of course) attracted a nice bit of attention. We paid for our tickets and just messed around inside of the movie theater before grabbing our seats.

The movie was alright. It wasn't as funny as it was just straight up random. There's a scene in the movie where two characters are talking in one of their homes and there is a random finger-painting of Santa Claus hanging on the wall, and another where two characters are talking next to a car and one of the characters just starts eating a bottle of pickles out of nowhere. It was a nice 6.5 out of 10.

Directly after the movie, Amber went to go pick up some Frappuccino (which my hatred for Starbucks, and dumbass coffees is another blog in of itself). It was easy to see that we embarrassed Amber, so I didn't really blame her for wanting to leave. When Amber left with her mother, we decided to get something to eat. We wanted to hit up some pizza- but being unfamiliar with the area... we were kinda left to ourselves.

All of decided that we wanted some NY pizza before we left. Considering I was commander of the outfit- I made Fro ask these people about some good pizza- and they recommended a place named "Cappuccino's", which was a small trek from where we were. The guy said it like he was full of shit, so I wrote down his license plate number, so I could trace it and burn down his house if it wasn't good. Eventually, we made it there. We fought over the food choice (Charlie wanted White, Fro and I wanted All Meat), we bought the all meat. I'm not even kidding when I say it's the best fucking pizza I've ever had. It was amazing. It even had REAL cheese!

When we had finished our amazing fucking pizza, we treked back to Amber's home. We got there, and we all kinda just talked about random odds and ends... when it came out from Amber's mother, that Amber had smoked since she'd been back. Now, to you- this may mean shit... but, her and I had a promise. We promised each other that if she wouldn't smoke anymore, that I wouldn't touch pills. A promise that I've ALMOST honored completely, minus one day that I wish never to mention.

(if you want to read about how this promise was formed, click here)

After it came out that she had smoked... I became... fucking raged. Honestly, the one way you can piss me off is by breaking a promise; that's why I rarely make them. I honor every promise I endebt myself to, and I will always honor them. So when it came out, I just lost my shit. After a few minutes, Amber left the living room and (presumably) went down to her room. I saw this as my moment to leave. I left her house and just started walking when I saw a tree and punched it, and it really hurt. I hate being seriously physically violent, and this tree was far from kind to my hand, but at the moment... I didn't care, I was just pissed.

I walked around her block, still angry, hand still hurting. I picked up Fro's longboard, and skated around the block with him. When we came around the bend near Amber's house, I heard crying. Amber's little sister Jamie had wrecked her little dirtbike somehow, and injured her leg. Fro helped get Jamie in the car, and they left towards the hospital.

That night, it became VERY awkward and quiet inside. I decided to put that smoking thing in the back of my head for the moment, because I knew that Amber and her other little sister Heather were worried about Jamie. Amber had walked out onto the porch and I went out and spoke to her for a bit. Shortly thereafter- Heather came out and I talked to Heather while Amber sat there quietly.

Seeing the tension here, Fro asked if I wanted to hit up the closest gas station for something to drink. We came back from there, and we went upstairs. I played Uno with Heather and Charlie- and then Blackjack with the forementioned and Fro. When Amber's mom got back with Jamie a slight tension released in the air. Amber, Heather, and Amber's mother started playing Rummikub while Fro, Charlie and I were sitting at the table- which kinda brought a nice bit of atmosphere to the table.

When Amber's dad came home from work at around 1:00 AM (I believe?), I looked to Charlie and Fro at the table and said "I want to get the fuck out of here". Charlie said "Yeah, I know" and then we presented the idea of just leaving now to Fro- who agreed it was for the best. We packed up our sleeping bags and came back inside to say our goodbyes. We gave Amber's mom a hug and shook her father's hand- but Amber barely said anything to us. She waved goodbye. That's pretty much it.

I was happy to leave. It was like a major weight had lifted off of my head. I just felt like Amber didn't want any of us around her house anymore. She barely spoke to us for our stay there, and then on the last day there- she seemed pissed... but I didn't want to think about it, I still don't.

Most of the trip home- I slept. I was just depressed and angry, and I didn't want to speak to anyone.

Looking back... the trip wasn't bad. Knowing that it was probably the last time I'd ever see Amber again- and she barely spoke to me (or any of us for that matter) hurt. Oh well, put it behind and move the fuck on. It's her life, it should be none of my business what she does with it.

So it was a trip. It had it's ups and downs... but it was still a trip, both mentally and physically. I'm happy to be home now, but honestly- I'd move to NYC if I had the chance.

Live, Love, and Let Go.

- Josh.

Notes from NYC Pt 2: Adventures in the City

2008-08-12T11:42:00.000-04:00

This is the second in the line of three stories about the three-day road trip to NY I made with Fro and Charlie Nemes. This second piece is about us going to see New York City, as well as a historical marker for my personal interests.

On Saturday morning, we all pretty much promptly woke up around 10:00AM or so. We showered our disgusting sweaty bodies and then started questioning what to do with the day. We eventually decided that we would take the train into the city.

Once we got directions to the Train Station, we were off. After we got to the station, the hard part began: Finding a spot. It took us a nice twenty minutes before we finally decided to just park at the VERY top of a parking garage. We briskly walked around the block, getting slightly lost until we found the station. We bought our tickets (which were 13.50, outrageous), and waited for Fro who noticed that there was a door that led directly next to our parking garage, so we didn't have to walk ALL around the block. He ran to his car, and then bought his ticket just in time to get to the final door on the train.

During the entire train ride we made it our duty to annoy the fuck out of everyone by singing songs. We sung everything from "What I Got" by Sublime to "Stand By Me" by Ben E. King. As the various people stared, we also noticed the beautiful countryside.

When we finally reached the city, we stumbled into the huge cathedral hall. The architecture there was beyond amazing, and for a second we kinda just stared in awe. We found a visitors booth, and we got a city map and the train schedule.

We stared at the City Map and decided to walk a nice 20 blocks to Central Park. Along our enormous walk, I noticed the city. I noticed how this rich end of Manhattan just rushed from one place to another, seemingly like a robot. It was a nice moment of realization of what the concrete wonderland does to people.

As we were walking down a block... we saw none other than THE "Good Burger: Home of the Good Burder" from the movie Good Burger, with Kenan and Kel. Seeing this as a priceless opportunity- we stopped and ate (but we kinda made Fro pay). It was an intense burger, but not worth the 6.75 spent on it.

Eventually- we found ourselves at Central Park. We walked around for quite a while, and then as we were sitting next to a bridge listening to a saxaphonist... it hit me, a place we HAD To go. After telling Charlie and Fro we decided to go. Charlie was hesitant because of the walk... but we kinda coerced him into coming with us.

When we started walking towards our location I called George and told him where we were headed to which he said "Fuck you guys, I want to come". As we were leaving Central Park, we saw the Subway station- something that Amber's family told us NEVER to get on to. We went down to the station- read the subway map and decided to ride. We paid for our tickets and stood near the doors.

After we found that we were headed in the right direction, we found another one. On this one, we stood by the doors again, but Fro and I sang the entire time, obviously annoying people. During a tight turn, I screamed quite loudly "WE'RE GONNA DERAIL!!!!" to which people started staring and then I went "I'm kidding, we're not gonna de-rail.", an elderly lady kinda just started nodding along when we started singing "Stand By Me". In the middle of the subway ride we started hearing music. For some reason I just thought it was some stupid Subway music... but it turned out to be a real Jazz musician playing the trumpet in the middle of the subway train, doing a killer job at that.

After we got off the train, we found where we were and where we were supposed to be headed. After walking for a nice bit, we came to it... 315 Bowery St... the old location of the greatest punk club to grace the world, CBGB.

We walked into what one was CBGB's (which is now a clothing store, but they kept a lot of it the same) and you could just feel the energy. To be able to walk on the same floor as some of my favorite bands was amazing. Saying you walked on the same floor as Johnny Cash, Henry Rollins, Joe Strummer, and so many others is a feat that only so many people can say.

It's odd, I mean- I never thought I'd be able to feel that intense and feel that insane in a place... but knowing that my heroes have been there, played there and been one of the people that have watched the shows is an amazing feeling.

After we wandered around that place for about 20 minutes... we decided to leave and hopefully catch the 8:45 train back to Poughkeepsie. As we walked 40 blocks, we got inside and it was 8:42... too late to catch the train. The next train was at 10:05, so we had some time to kill. We walked around the block outside, and enjoyed the sights. On the train ride home, it culminated with us scaring people with our singing (including making 3 or 4 people actually move), and just yelling stuff out through the traincar.

Once we returned to Amber's home, she was sitting out front reading- as we brought a bag of 15 Tacos from Taco Bell. We all ended up in the Sun Room until 4 AM when Amber started being sleepy-grouchy. Shortly thereafter- we all went to sleep.

All in all, it was a pretty amazing day. From seeing the spot where they filmed a part of Home Alone 2 to standing on the same floor that was once shared by Dee Dee Ramone. It was a day that will always stick with me, forever.

- Josh.

Notes from NYC Pt 1: The Arrival

2008-08-11T09:19:00.000-04:00

Good morning (afternoon, or evening- depending on when you're reading this),

I just got home not too long ago from New York, where I visited a friend (Amber Newman) with Fro and Charlie Nemes. I figured that posting all three days of our visit at once was a bit excessive... so I'm gonna sift it down to three parts, one for each day. This first one, the arrival- is how we got to her house, and what we did (and didn't) on our first day there.

Note: For certain reasons, I'm saying fuck it- and I'm going to mention every little detail, every name, and everything that happened, and everyone who did something with/to us.

Early Friday morning, Fro (who had just got off of work at Kraftmaid) picked me up from my house. From there, we got Charlie Nemes. After we started our road trip, we stopped at a McDonalds directly inside of PA. We ordered our food, ate- and set back off (and I found a lucky rabbits foot in the parking lot, still have it now). After about an hour or so... those two breakfast burrtios started taking their affect.

I started getting gas so intense that we actually sniffed the seat afterwards and it smelled like something had curled up and died there, it fucking disgusting beyond belief.

When we got into NY- we crossed this bridge, and the view was fucking incredible. It was so amazing and pretty, it was unlike anything I (or anyone else in the vehicle) had seen.

After got to where we were supposed to heading, I started giving shitty direction... in which we ended up at a Citgo asking for help. We got in, asked the cashier- who spoke broken English, and began to leave when this guy buying piss-water (Monster) asked where we were headed. We told him, and he had NO idea but then asked "What, none of you guys have a GPS Phone or anything?", to which I thought "Does he know that we're three random kids from Ohio, lost in NY?", well- the lady overheard us mention Hopewell Junction and gave us something to go on. During the rest of our ride trying to find the house I just kept talking about how I was gonna burn down that guy's house because he asked if we had a GPS phone.

Nearing our place, we stopped by another Citgo and Fro asked for directions while Charlie and I bought drinks. Soon after, we set back off. As we neared this gas station "Stewarts", we saw Amber run across the street with her friend Tiffany, and her little sister Jamie. We turned the car around, and we procedded to yell at Fro- who started yelling back at us, because he didn't know where we were really going.

Eventually, we came up and talked to Amber (and her friends) and then we (Fro, Charlie and I) headed out to Amber's home. The directions I had said "First tan house on the left", well I didn't know which direction they meant... so we took the first tan house we saw, which was on the right.

We stood underneath their garage awning, and a lady pulled in and walked inside briskly. A moment later, a man (Angrily) walked out, and rudely asked who we were and what we were looking for. We explained and it turns out that it WASN'T Amber's home, it was just some random tan house. Even after we apologized, he kinda just stared at us. The more I think of it, he looked like Mike Watt from The Minutemen.

Somehow, we found Amber's house- which wasn't TOO hard to miss, actually. We walked in, met her mom (nicest lady ever, as well as funny) and kinda sat around talking to her, until Amber showed up. All the while before Amber showed up, I seemed to be the only one comfortable. Fro and Charlie seemed a bit uncomfortable, so I started involving them with all conversations. After Amber showed up... we just kinda sat around. Amber didn't really speak to any of us, actually. It was funny, in a way. We came over 400 Miles, and we'd spoken more to her mother more than her.

As the night wore on, we went to Wal-Mart... bought Bisquick and just kinda hung around Amber's home. We talked to her dad and mom some more, who we all agreed were probably the coolest parents ever (next to Cameron's, at least). Fro fell asleep quite quickly. Charlie and I (left to our boredom, while everyone else slept) took a walk around the neighborhood, just talking. We came back in around 1, and fell asleep.

Junkie 14 Yr. Olds.

2008-08-06T14:19:00.000-04:00

The smaller the town you live in, the more you notice the fucked up people, the corruption, and the straight up weirdness. One thing that I've noticed with this tiny little town (Newton Falls), is the odd amount of little girls who smoke pot constantly, do other drugs, and are proud of it!

It completely fucks with my perception of how a human should be!

I mean, if you wanna smoke pot- go for it, just don't start blowing every cent you have on pot, or move on to more drugs and become dependent on them.

... These girls though, they seem proud that they're stoners! They can't be over 14, I swear. There's this one girl named Taylor, and she always wears this gray shirt with a pot-leaf on it that says "Home Grown" followed by something dumb and idiotically ironic.

It fucking disgusts me. I don't really have anything against pot, but don't be so fucking proud. It follows in line with the people who draw pot-leafs on everything; as if someone is really gonna give a flying fuck that you enjoy getting baked.

These junkie ass 14 Yr. old girls need to get some culture. They need to listen to some Miles Davis, and put down the Mudvayne CD. They need to read some Howard Zinn, and put down the Marijuana Dictionary. They need to be human, but instead... they'll fry their brain-cells, get pregnant, and hopefully die rather quickly.

- Josh.

pissing on the floor

2008-08-06T02:40:00.000-04:00

Good morning everyone.
It is none other than... well, me.

Right now, it's 2:44AM. I'm sitting here listening to "Rotten Apples: The Greatest Hits" by The Smashing Pumpkins.

Have you ever wondered how one person can have such control over you, that it makes you feel like shit to the core? I think most people have. It's a weird type of psuedo-masochism... like the battered puppy syndrome in a way.

You know it's your fault for pissing on the floor, and you're not surprised when you get hit for it... but you'll still probably piss on the floor again because no one wants to take you outside.

I don't know, then again... I never really know, do I?

All Hope Has Been Abandoned

2008-08-04T21:27:00.000-04:00

Good evening readers.

This is my first post on the NEW blog.
I used to hate when people would shut down their blogs or myspaces and make new ones... but I REALLY needed a new one.

So that I don't seem like some attention-seeking ass... I figured I'd list a few things that helped towards ending the previous blog (which the IoS archive will be listed under friends, and links).

1. The name.

The name "The Innovation of Silence" was SO cliche and silly. I hated it, and I'm not even sure why I named it that.

2. The Tags

I had WAY too many useless tag labels and all of my posts fell under "Good times", which I kinda just did out of habit after a while.

3. The posts.

I've read and reread many of the posts... a lot of which were written while I was dating Christina... so they were like "Hung with Christina today, got in a fight with Christina today, talked to Christina today, etc" which would always bum me out when I look back now; not mean towards Christina or anything... just because of those posts I guess. Who knows. Many of the posts I also wrote when I was SUPER depressed, or sad... so I look back and feel flushed.

4. E-Mail

I got a new e-mail, and it wouldn't let me transfer the IoS over to my new e-mail account... so it kinda raged me there.

So that's pretty much all I have. Those are my simple, silly reasons for ending a 220 blog posting streak and starting over fresh.

I hope you all don't hate me... and you'll keep reading :).

- Josh